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Gaya

Every family has that one child who was forced to grow up too fast. And contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t always the eldest child. More often than not, it was simply the child who had to take responsibility for their siblings quite early—especially in homes where there was little family planning, and children arrived barely a year apart, one after another, like building blocks. Unfortunately, with age came a greater dependence on whichever child could meet the family’s expectations.

The responsible child in every household is the one who seemingly turned out to be alright amidst all the trauma. Because they were able to cope and rise above unfavourable circumstances, society assumes they are fine and proceeds to place even heavier demands on them.

From topping their classes in primary school to being forced into <a href="https://aura.ng/the-streets/so-you-have-a-degree-and-zero-job-offers-welcome-to-nigeria">science class</a>, they’ve never quite had a say in their own lives. Since they weren’t mischievous children, they became the gold standard for their siblings and, somewhere along the line, slipped into performance. They couldn’t afford to make mistakes because they felt entirely responsible for making their parents proud.

To everyone else, they are young and getting it. They’ve given their family members bragging rights because they can afford to foot major family bills through their high-paying jobs or ease their parents’ burden by training their younger siblings.

But to the responsible child in question—the one whose inner child died long before childhood ended—it feels more like a curse than a blessing. Only God knows how exhausted they truly are from putting on a show and pleasing everyone except themselves. <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/six-reasons-your-finances-affect-your-marriage">Black tax</a> and idealism have worn away the free will they should be enjoying. So before making a decision, they instinctively consider everyone else’s happiness before their own.

But inwardly, giving of themselves has gradually become the only way they know how to feel valued. They develop a saviour complex and begin to crave dependence from others. What nobody realises is that it isn’t always generosity or kindness driving them.

Their worth has become tied to how useful they are. And in <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/can-you-afford-love-a-guide-to-dating-in-nigeria-s-economy">relationships</a>, when they are not depended upon in the ways they have grown accustomed to, they begin to question the connection.

The tragedy is that the responsible child often gets rewarded for their sacrifice, which makes it even harder to stop. Every new achievement becomes proof that the burden was worth carrying, even when it is breaking them.

Dear society, the poster children are tired. Beneath the achievements, the <a href="https://aura.ng/culture/before-you-quit-your-9-5-let-this-quiz-be-your-reality-check">promotions</a>, the degrees, and the generosity is a child who learned far too early that love must be earned through usefulness.

Maybe it’s time we stopped applauding their resilience and started asking what it cost them.

You didn't choose to be the responsible one. But somehow, every career decision, every financial move, and every life plan became a family project. Here's what nobody tells you.


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