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Gaya

Before we got married, Seun and I dated from a distance for four years. We had been classmates since primary school and attended the same secondary school before life took us in different directions. I travelled to Hungary for tertiary education, while he remained in Nigeria for a year before he eventually gained admission to travel overseas. It was around that time that he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Initially, while we were still in our talking stage, he was planning to come and meet me in Europe. If not Hungary, he was processing admission to Poland because, at least, our Schengen visas would allow us affordable access to visit each other often. But when things didn’t go as planned, and he eventually had to travel to Asia for school, we had to make the distance work.

This was probably one of the most eventful ways to start a long-term, long-distance <a href="https://aura.ng/the-streets/the-nigerian-marriage-checklist-nobody-talks-about-but-everyone-uses">relationship</a>. Because it wasn’t just any long-distance relationship. We also had different time zones. China was ahead of Hungary by about six to seven hours, depending on the season of the year. So, we literally had to take night shifts just to catch up at least four times every week.

Coupled with school, which was the primary reason we had both left home, and work, which became a necessity for survival, the demands were a lot on both of us. Those years were some of the most challenging and formative years of our lives, both as individuals and as a couple.

We had no choice but to learn through the entire process, and I am glad we made it through. It was turbulent at times, but mostly good and always worthwhile.

Our plan was to come back to Nigeria after school, settle a little, and then process our papers to permanently relocate together to the UK. This was the singular best plan we had to bridge the distance because neither of us wanted to permanently settle in a non-English-speaking country.

So, immediately after graduation, I came back to Lagos, Nigeria. And the following year, he joined me at home. We didn’t waste much time before he proposed, and we began <a href="https://aura.ng/the-streets/we-asked-married-women-what-do-you-wish-someone-had-told-you-before-the-wedding-">wedding</a> planning.

Our families already knew each other and had suspected we had been together long before we officially started dating. So, it wasn’t a surprise or a hassle at all. Also, my mother had always been actively involved in our relationship (with healthy boundaries, of course), so no, we didn’t spring up on them from the blues.

Our wedding was a resounding success, and it was so rewarding for all the years we had invested in each other. Life was generally moving well. We were both happy at our places of work and already processing our travel plans.

Until our marital bliss resulted in a pregnancy less than three months into the marriage, and that put our—or at least my—plans on hold.

Because of how far we had gone in our processing, my husband was set to resume his master’s programme in eight months. He tried to defer his admission but was advised against it because it could cost him the admission and scholarship he had received altogether. So, eventually, he had to travel just a month after our little princess was born.

Pregnancy made me glow so much because I was well taken care of and my mind was at peace. But postpartum? It hit me hard, especially after my husband travelled.

Everyone was so wonderful to me, and we were still actively working on my relocation. But that could not make up for his physical presence, which was what I needed during that season more than anything.

I even began to slip into resentment towards him. Because, in my head, I felt like I was the one singularly paying for a joint affair. I wondered if he was living his best life while I was left behind.

The funny thing was that absolutely nothing had hinted at distance in our marriage. In fact, we had always said that if only one person’s relocation plan came through, we would both forfeit it and wait until we were financially and practically ready to leave together. But that was before careers shifted and his master’s programme came into the picture.

During that first year after our baby was born and he travelled, all we had were FaceTimes, video calls, Locket streaks, and endless texts.

But shoutout to my quality man, who surprised me with an unexpected trip shortly after his graduation. He also refused to travel back until we could eventually go together, and that is the greatest sacrifice he has made throughout our entire relationship.

It taught me how much he prioritises his family’s success over his personal achievements, and it moved me to do the same in every aspect of our lives.

I am grateful I didn’t have to ask for that sacrifice, but that singular act showed me that even if we ever needed to experience long-distance marriage again, he is someone worth going through it with. I could rest assured that his world literally revolves around us — his family.

At the end of the day, long-distance relationships and <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/-i-almost-married-the-wrong-person-because-everyone-told-me-he-was-right-">marriages</a> depend on the people involved. But I can say this: it takes a different kind of sacrifice to make long-distance work in marriage than it does in courtship.

Today, we are still happily married, building thriving careers, paying our bills, and watching our beautiful baby girl grow up so fast.

After years of loving each other across continents, we thought marriage would finally close that chapter. This is what happened when distance found its way into our marriage again.


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