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Gaya

The harsh reality is that we all grew up too fast. We literally went from sleepovers and birthday parties to scheduling calls weeks in advance. No one warned us that, if we're not careful, adulthood can cost us our support systems and push us into compulsory isolation. The struggle is too real!

<b>Different Countries, Different Time Zones</b>

A few days before we graduated from secondary school, I vividly remember our chaplain saying, “This will be the last time all of you will be in the same place at the same time because you’ll all scatter across the globe.” It has been seven years since I last saw my secondary school best friend, and that reality (of what he said) could not have sunk in any deeper.

After she relocated to Canada for school, the time difference alone became enough reason for our friendship dynamics to change. We neither stopped caring about each other nor supporting each other <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/virtual-friendships-examining-the-authenticity-and-longevity-of-online-relationships">from a distance</a>. We just could not keep up with our expectations of what the best friendship should look like.

When she was awake and available to catch up, I was asleep, and vice versa. So over time, little frustrations began to pile up until we were eventually forced to settle for being ordinary friends without the “bestie” tag.

The worst kind of friendship breakup is the one with no major fallout. Nobody did anything wrong; life cruelly just happened, and that is exactly how I lost my childhood best friend.

In the past, I never believed the boys I dated when they told me they were too busy, and that was why they were not always available. I always took offence and said, “If you wanted to, you would.” I still believe we can make time for the people we love, whether friends or partners. But then I found myself in that exact position.

I am now the girl who goes days without responding to texts in the middle of a conversation, and it is not even intentional. Then, by the time I finally get some breathing space between classes and my virtual assistant job, so much time has passed that I feel too guilty to continue the conversation again.

At least I no longer take offence when I get aired. Well, I try not to. I just see it as karma giving me a taste of my own medicine.

And when my friends and I finally return home from our various universities for the holidays, we are too broke to go anywhere.

Everything we would typically enjoy doing costs money. And remember, there is usually no allowance when you're on holiday in a Nigerian home. Except, of course, for the nepo kids.

Coupled with the phone addiction our generation is battling, sleepovers no longer feel like enough. It is either we are outside doing fun activities or eating expensive meals and making TikTok videos to post.

So, we spend entire holidays planning outings that never leave the group chat.

At the end of the day, adulthood is tough. It is a constant battle to keep up with your own life and simply survive.&nbsp;

And with age, it gets even tougher. When we finally become working-class citizens and the full reality of making it in our industries begins to hit, the hustle will only intensify. If we barely had time to nurture our relationships in university, what happens when full-time work enters the picture?

The truth is that maintaining <a href="https://aura.ng/culture/we-should-be-ambitious-about-our-friendships">friendships in adulthood</a> is a deliberate choice. We have to be intentional about preserving even the smallest connections. It may not feel like much, but Snapchat streaks, random Instagram reels, and the occasional “I saw this and thought of you” message are forms of connection, too.

Please understand that your friends are not deliberately ignoring you. They just grew up too fast, just like you did. But it takes two to tango. Both people have to be intentional enough to hold on to the bits and pieces that remain of what they once had…as long as it is still worth holding on to.

We went from sleepovers and daily conversations to unread messages and missed calls. Here’s why maintaining friendships in adulthood is so difficult…and how to stay connected despite it all.


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