I was lying on my bed
eating warm puff puff when I noticed a deep purple bruise at the back of my
friend’s thighs. She said the mark was given to her by her boyfriend.

Given to her? Are we
collecting bruise trophies?

But then, she greeted me
with a sly smile, which stopped me in my tracks.&nbsp;

She laughed and told me
that she had decided to role play with her boyfriend. She also proceeded to
give me details of how she was cuffed to a bed and spanked with a light feather
whip and how the experience in its entirety had been enjoyable.

She was apparently a very
willing participant&nbsp; and so I swallowed my objections and continued eating
my puff puff.

In my head, I was
thinking; BDSM? In Nigeria? With fuel price almost at 700? Whew!

BDSM stands for
"Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism."
It is a range of consensual practices and activities that involve individuals
in intense forms of sexual power exchange, role-playing, and erotic
experiences.&nbsp;

People who engage in BDSM
often do so to live out their sexual desires, fantasies, and emotional
connections within a controlled and consensual context.

Here's a simple breakdown
of what BDSM entails:

This involves restraining
a person's body, typically using ropes, cuffs, or other restraints. It can be
used to enhance the feeling of vulnerability or control.

Discipline in BDSM refers
to setting rules and boundaries within a relationship or scene, often involving
punishments or rewards to reinforce certain behaviors.

One person takes on a
dominant role, often referred to as a "dom" or "dominant."
They may control and guide the actions and experiences of their partner, who
takes on a submissive role.

The person in the
submissive role, often called a "sub," willingly gives up control to
the dominant partner. This can involve following commands, relinquishing
decision-making, and experiencing sensations directed by the dominant.

Sadism involves deriving
pleasure from inflicting pain, discomfort, or humiliation on another person
within the context of consensual BDSM play.

Masochism involves
deriving pleasure from receiving pain, discomfort, or humiliation within the
context of consensual BDSM play.

Now, while it might be
exciting to reenact your favorite sex scene in 50 shades of gray with your
partner, in Nigeria, things can go from 0 to 100 real quick.

If you’re probably puzzled
on why the idea of BDSM might not work in Nigeria, then, here&nbsp; here are 10
solid reasons why;

NEPA Can Suddenly Decide
To Show Themselves&nbsp;

Imagine you’re in the
middle of a crazy steamy BDSM session and suddenly, NEPA takes the light. Now
you are still tied up, looking for your partner in the dark and in that moment
he decides to slam the whip across your back. You don’t even see it coming, so
you don’t have time to prepare. 30 seconds later, you're a sweaty mess, hanging
in an awkward&nbsp; position, breathless and wondering how you got
yourself in that situation.

We love to go over the top
because that’s just who we are. A light pressure on the neck can turn into a
full blown choking situation. A feathered spank could turn into painful welts
on the butt. A 30 minute Cuff on the hand can turn into a 24 hour hostage
situation.&nbsp;

Nigerians love their
jollof rice don’t they? You can be hanging upside down on a rope and suddenly
your partner will passionately ask you "But have you tried aunty Iyabo’s
jollof? It's a life-changing experience! The best Naija party jollof, ahhh!&nbsp;
And the next thing you know you’re in a heated argument trying to convince them
that Aunty Nkiru’s Jollof rice is actually the best.

This country is wired to
make its inhabitants angry. Imagine you’re rushing for a BDSM appointment,
excited and hopeful for all the adventures and then boom! you’re stuck in a 2
hour traffic, your perfume already mingling with sweat. Your body is tired, your
excitement already waning. And then, you finally arrive at the home of your
BDSM colleague who is equally angry because the NEPA just took light&nbsp; and
so he has to rely on his Generator which means he’s already angry thinking of
all the fuel he’s about to burn. Prepare for the worst because those whips are
going to be painful and very personal.

Nigerians are not
romantic; they will suck out the romance from BDSM

As much as BDSM is meant
to be a more aggressive sexual approach, it is also supposed to be enjoyed.
This means the basics of sex and foreplay should never be overlooked. Trust a
Nigerian man or woman to jump right into it. You will find yourself tied up
with a clamp on your breast before you even get to pull off your outfit.

Nosey Neighbors Can Start
Neighboring

We are not built to mind
our business as Nigerians. Especially that your neighbor you hardly greet that
probably complains about you to the landlord.

&nbsp;You can’t even
scream in peace or role play loudly. One minute you’re&nbsp; screaming your
lungs out and saying kinky things to your partner while being thrown around
and&nbsp; the next second your “good neighbor” is frantically knocking on your
door “asking nicely” if everything is okay.&nbsp;

Nigerian women have
coconut head&nbsp;

We are a stubborn breed.
Be prepared to hear a lot of questions, resistance and maybe a long manicured
hand seizing the whip because “how dare you whip her that hard?” “Is she a
donkey?”

As much as a man would
want to be the aggressor, Nigerian women might want to take up the mantle too.

Imagine cuffing a Nigerian
man and whipping him across his butt? Odogwu? A whole pride of Nigeria? Ahhhh.
They will not take such rubbish and if they do take it, their fragile pride
might never recover from it. Nigerian men love the idea of BDSM as long as
they’re the ones in charge. As long as they’re the ones holding the whip. So,
you better be careful.

Nigerians are natural
bargainers&nbsp;

Be prepared to find one or
two negotiating skills during the session.&nbsp;

Sandra - “Fine. I will let
you tie me up for 100,000, but don’t choke me ooo!”

Emeka - “If you allow me
to whip you harder, I will buy you the hair you’ve always wanted.”

They say everyone in Lagos
is mad. Well…not everyone but yeah, a lot. Most times, you are not even aware
you’re with a mad person until they’re in a situation that triggers it.

Your perfect gentleman or
woman could turn into a lunatic the moment you’re tied up. And you can go from
screaming&nbsp; “Don’t stop” to “God Abeg”.

As lighthearted as this
has been, It's super important to note that BDSM is always based on an informed
and enthusiastic consent between all parties involved. Clear communication,
trust, and respect for boundaries are very fundamental aspects of engaging in
BDSM activities.

''Imagine cuffing a Nigerian man and whipping him across his butt? Odogwu? A whole pride of Nigeria? Ahhhh''

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