Futura Bold

Futura book sans-serif

Futura demi sans-serif

Futura extra-bold sans-serif

Futura heavy sans-serif

Futura light sans-serif

Futura medium sans-serif

Gaya

There is asking your partner for something once because they genuinely didn't know you needed it, and then there is asking for the same thing so many times that you start wondering if you are being unreasonable for wanting it at all.

You shouldn't have to send a three-paragraph WhatsApp message explaining why you'd like your partner to say “I love you” sometimes. You shouldn't have to keep asking them to check if you've got home safely. You shouldn't have to campaign for a date night like you're running for office.

Nobody expects a partner to magically know everything you want. Communication is part of being in a relationship, but once you've communicated a reasonable need, there should be some effort to meet it.

So, here are 15 things you shouldn't have to keep begging your partner for.

Yes, people express love differently. But if saying “I love you” is meaningful to you, you shouldn't have to drag the words out of your partner every time.

You shouldn't have to say, “You haven't told me you love me in three months,” before they remember that words actually matter to you. If they love you, saying it shouldn't feel like pulling teeth.

This isn't about demanding a 5 a.m. paragraph every morning. It's about the small ritual that says, “You're one of the people I think about when my day starts and ends.”

If you've told your partner that a simple good morning or goodnight message makes you feel connected, you shouldn't have to remind them every single night, and no, we're not saying missing one night means the relationship is over. We're saying you shouldn't have to beg for the habit itself.

3. Being checked on when something is wrong

If you've told your partner you're having a terrible day, they shouldn't need a formal invitation to ask how you're doing.

Sometimes it's literally just: “How are you feeling now?” “Did the meeting go okay?” “Have you eaten?”

You shouldn't have to disappear dramatically before your partner notices something is wrong.

We're not asking your partner to become MTN customer service, but if you're always the one calling, always initiating conversations and always saying, “You don't ever call me,” eventually it starts to feel like you're the only person trying to maintain the connection.

Sometimes you should just be on their mind.

You shouldn't have to ask your own partner to hug you. Or kiss you. Or hold your hand. Or pull you closer when you're sitting together.

Physical affection isn't everyone's default, so yes, you may need to communicate that you want more of it, but after you've said it?

You shouldn't have to keep submitting applications.

A date doesn't have to mean a ₦100,000 dinner. Go for a walk. Get ice cream. Watch a movie. Sit somewhere and talk. Cook together. Try a new restaurant. Find something cheap and interesting to do.

The point is intentional time together. If you're always the one saying, “When are we going out?” “Can you plan something?” “Let's do something together,” eventually you're not asking for a date anymore.

You're asking your partner to participate in their own relationship.

7. Reassurance when you genuinely need it

Sometimes you just need to hear: “We're okay.” “I'm not going anywhere.” “I still love you.” “We're going to figure this out.”

Obviously, your partner isn't responsible for managing every insecurity you have. But if you're going through something genuinely difficult, asking for reassurance shouldn't make you feel needy or embarrassing. You shouldn't have to earn comfort.

Not “Sorry you feel that way.” Not “Okay, sorry. Are you done now?” And definitely not the classic Nigerian relationship special: “But you also did something.”

Sometimes your partner is simply wrong. You shouldn't have to spend two hours building a legal case before they can admit they hurt you.

If you agreed to meet at 7 p.m. and something comes up at 5:30, tell the person. If you're going to be late, say you're going to be late.&nbsp;If you can't make it, communicate that.

Your partner shouldn't have to call you at 8:47 p.m. to discover that you've been sitting at home for two hours waiting for them.&nbsp;Basic consideration is free.

10. Remembering the things that matter to you

Your birthday. That interview. Your presentation. Your doctor's appointment. The exam you've been studying for. The difficult meeting you've been anxious about.

No, your partner won't remember every single detail you've ever mentioned, but if something is important to you, you shouldn't always have to remind them that it exists.

There's something lovely about someone saying, “How did that thing go today?” when you didn't even ask them to remember.

Got a new job? Finished your course? Closed a client? Got promoted? Finally launched the thing you've been talking about for six months?

Your partner should be excited for you. Not necessarily screaming and booking fireworks, but you should feel like your good news is good news to them.&nbsp;You shouldn't have to minimise your achievements because your partner responds like you've just announced the weather.

12. Making an effort with the people you love

Nobody is asking your partner to become best friends with your entire family, but if your relationship is serious, you shouldn't have to beg them to show basic courtesy to the people who matter to you.

Say hello. Remember names. Show up when it matters. Ask how your mum is doing. Send her dad a birthday message if that's the kind of relationship you have.

These little things matter because they say, “The people you love matter to me too.”

You don't need to be invited everywhere. Your partner is allowed to have friends, hobbies, family plans and a life outside the relationship, but if every plan is made as though they're single and you're an optional add-on, that's different.

You shouldn't have to beg someone to consider you when they're making decisions that obviously affect you both.

This doesn't mean expensive gifts. It could be bringing your favourite snack because they were at the shop.&nbsp;Sending you money for lunch when they know you've had a horrible day. Picking up the thing you mentioned three weeks ago. Sending you a funny video because they knew it would make you laugh. Ordering food for you because they know you're too tired to cook.

The point isn't the gesture. It's the “I saw this and thought of you.” You shouldn't have to explain every single way you'd like to be loved before your partner ever thinks to do something thoughtful.

15. Effort after you've had the conversation

Honestly, this might be the biggest one, because every relationship has misunderstandings. You'll have to say things. You'll have to explain yourself. You'll have to tell your partner what you need.

That's normal. What shouldn't become normal is having the exact same conversation over and over again with absolutely nothing changing.You shouldn't have to keep saying: “Please communicate with me.” “Please call sometimes.” “Please stop embarrassing me in front of your friends.” “Please tell me when you're going to be late.” “Please show me affection.” “Please make time for us.” “Please stop doing this thing I've told you hurts me.”

At some point, the issue isn't that your partner doesn't know.&nbsp;They know.&nbsp;The question is whether they care enough to do something about it, and that's the part worth paying attention to, because nobody should have to beg to be loved in the exact same relationship they're already in.

You can ask for things.&nbsp;You can communicate.&nbsp;You can compromise.&nbsp;You can teach each other how you like to be loved, but if you're constantly having to beg, remind, threaten, cry, withdraw or complain before your partner gives you the most basic forms of consideration, maybe the question isn't “How do I make them understand?”

Maybe it's:&nbsp;“Why am I having to convince someone who loves me to treat me like they do?”

How many times should you have to ask for the same thing? We’re looking at the relationship needs you shouldn’t have to keep begging your partner to meet.

read more