Futura Bold

Futura book sans-serif

Futura demi sans-serif

Futura extra-bold sans-serif

Futura heavy sans-serif

Futura light sans-serif

Futura medium sans-serif

Gaya

Knowingly or unknowingly, society has taught us to romanticise suffering. We don’t only condone these <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/unlearning-everything-my-mother-taught-me-about-being-a-good-woman-episode-1-if-you-don-t-sweep-every-morning-no-man-will-marry-you-">toxic traits</a> in romantic relationships; we celebrate them and even use them as gauges for love and affection. We say things like, “If he is not possessive, it means he doesn’t love you.” But these five traits have far greater potential to harm your relationship than to help it.

A jealous partner constantly feels insecure and overly protective. They can’t stand you interacting with the opposite sex or occupying spaces they believe could potentially take you away from them—not because of how much they love you, but because of how little they believe themselves to be worth. So, they are always policing your movements and suspecting you of cheating in one way or another. Whether they admit it or not, they find it difficult to trust you. And distrust is not romantic in any way.

You may even find it cute sometimes because your friends call your partner possessive and make jokes about it. But wait until it starts suffocating you, until they become unbearably clingy, and until you can no longer live as a free human being. By then, when you’re practically Siamese twins joined at the hip, you’ll begin to loathe their presence…but it might already be too late.

Granted, true love requires endless bouts of forgiveness and understanding. But when someone keeps committing the same offence over and over again, it says more about their unwillingness to change than your ability to forgive. Whether they come back wailing and <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/-he-cheated-i-stayed-what-nobody-tells-you-about-choosing-to-stay-">begging</a> afterwards, the true litmus test of repentance is change. Without it, you’re trapped in an exhausting cycle that will eventually cost you your mental health and happiness.

Many people believe real love means staying no matter how many times someone betrays, lies to, or disrespects them. Our African society has even normalised this narrative. So, when you choose to prioritise your peace of mind over endlessly forgiving repeated hurt, you may be labelled difficult or unwilling to make things work.

But just because suffering has been accepted—and even celebrated—as endurance doesn’t make it right. Once you reach your threshold, especially when your life or wellbeing is on the line, please leave and don’t look back.

Money can absolutely be a love language, but it can also become a tool for control. That is what makes complete financial dependence on one partner less romantic and far more risky. Their ability to provide for you may not necessarily say anything about how much they love you. Sometimes, it’s just circumstantial. But sooner or later, that same financial power can become a <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/unlearning-every-single-thing-my-mother-taught-me-about-being-a-good-woman-episode-2-don-t-be-too-ambitious-men-find-it-intimidating-">weapon used</a> against you.

It also limits your freedom and sense of authority within the relationship. Whether they say it outright or not, you begin to feel indebted to them. Before you know it, you’re constantly suppressing your own needs just to keep them happy and secure your only source of livelihood.

Although love is filled with sacrifices, it should never cost you your dreams and aspirations. If you have to give up your individuality—the <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/stop-choosing-between-friends-and-love-what-sisters-before-misters-really-means">people you love</a>, the goals you’re pursuing, or the life you’re building—then it’s worth asking whether you’re truly in the right relationship.

True love gives you room to keep becoming the best version of yourself, despite the countless compromises you may have to make. The difference is that healthy sacrifices are made out of love and for a greater good. They may still hurt, but they leave you better than they met you. Extreme sacrifices, on the other hand, leave you drained.

Also, regardless of gender, sacrifice should always be a two-way street. Both partners should be willing to compromise for the good of the relationship and the family they’re building. If you’re the only one constantly sacrificing, it’s time to reassess both your motives and the relationship itself. Otherwise, resentment will eventually creep in, and the relationship you once cherished will be consumed by bitterness.

Constant bickering, fighting, breakups, makeups, and emotional rollercoasters are not proof of passion. Especially when they revolve around the same unresolved issues for years. Eventually, they’ll wear you out, and one day, the breakup will be final.

Misunderstandings and disagreements are perfectly normal. But they shouldn’t define your relationship. The days filled with soft love, playful banter, laughter, and genuine affection should still outnumber the chaotic ones.

Love is supposed to foster a deep-seated understanding that grows stronger with time. So, the longer you’re together, the less frequent those unnecessary squabbles should become. After all, you know each other better, understand each other’s quirks, and should naturally learn to navigate conflicts more peacefully. When that growth never happens, it may point to an unwillingness to mature together or a lack of genuine investment in the relationship…not some mythical thing called “<a href="https://aura.ng/the-streets/i-chose-my-mental-health-over-my-family-one-nigerian-woman-s-honest-story-of-leaving-home">passionate love</a>.”

At the end of the day, your relationship should be your safe space, not a battlefield. It’s high time we stopped mistaking toxicity for love so we can recognise and celebrate love for what it truly is.

Many Nigerians mistake jealousy, endless sacrifice, financial dependence, and other toxic behaviours for love. Here are five relationship myths it’s time to unlearn.

read more