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Gaya

I stopped watching romantic movies for a while. Not because I'm anti-love or because I've given up on romance, but because movies made it look so simple. So easy. So perfect. Boy meets girl, sparks fly, conflict happens, they kiss in the rain, happily ever after. Done.

And after watching real relationships, my friends, my family, my own experiences, I realized that's not how it works. Love isn't a two-hour film with a guaranteed happy ending. It's messier than that. It's "I love you but you left the dishes in the sink again" and wondering if the butterflies fading means something's wrong and questioning if you're doing it right.

So this Valentine's, I wanted to find out what real love actually looks like. Not the filtered Instagram version but the real, everyday, "we're building this together" version.

I asked three Nigerian couples to tell me the truth about love, about choosing each other, about what makes it worth it. I separated them so they couldn't see each other's answers, and they're reading their partner's responses for the first time as this article goes live(Shout out to you guys!)

And before we dive in, do yourself a favor and turn on this <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX4pAtJteyweQ?si=975785e192504deb">playlist </a>&nbsp;because it's what I listened to whilst writing this, and trust me, you need the vibe.

Meet the Couples Making Us Believe in Love Again

Maggy and Basil - 8 months of discovering each other<br>Big Kelz and Twenty-Four - 3 years of choosing each other daily<br>Phynar and Elvis - 2 years of friendship turned forever

Three couples at different stages, all proving that love, messy, complicated, real love, is absolutely possible.

You've heard it before. On Twitter after someone gets their heart broken, in the group chat when your friend's situationship falls apart, from people who've been hurt one too many times.

But is it really? I asked these six people and honestly, their answers made me want to believe again.

Maggy said, "Personally, when I hear 'love is a scam,' I think it's usually pain speaking, not truth. Real love isn't a scam. But unrealistic expectations, wrong partners, and ignoring red flags? That can definitely feel like one. Sometimes it's coming from someone who has been deeply hurt or has not received the kind of love they give out. I feel like when you actually receive the love you give, then that 'love is a scam' would be erased."

Can we just take a moment? Because she's eight months into her relationship and already understands something a lot of us are still learning, when you receive the love you give, everything changes. Love isn't a scam; we've just been giving it to people who don't know how to give it back.

Basil responded, "Anyone who says 'love is a scam' probably needs healing and a positive mindset shift, and they need to be open to the universe sending real love their way."

And here's the thing, Basil has been hurt before, he's had his heart broken, and he's still saying this. That's the kind of hope we all need, the kind that says just because it didn't work before doesn't mean it won't work now.

Twenty-Four didn't even hesitate when he said, "The expression 'Love is a Scam' is a LIE!"

Three years with Big Kelz and he's not playing games, no "well, it depends" or "sometimes," just flat out. it's a lie, love is real, period.

But Big Kelz had a slightly different take: "I think the expression 'Love is a Scam' is sort of a reality. It's not as smooth as we've been made to believe."

And you know what? They're both right. Love isn't smooth, it's not the fairytale we were sold, but that doesn't make it fake. It just makes it real. And real things are messy but they're worth it.

Phynar understood the pain behind the question when she said, "I feel people say 'Love is a Scam' as an emotional expression. They could be speaking from past pain, hurt, disappointment, betrayal, being used."

We've all been there, given everything, got nothing back, wondered if we're the problem, if love itself is broken.

Elvis agreed: "I feel some have been hurt or betrayed, or disappointed. I think some have set unrealistic expectations, while others have this modern dating fatigue."

Dating is exhausting and we're all tired, but these six people found each other and they're proving that the exhaustion is worth it when you find the right person.

So no, love isn't a scam. The movies lied about what it looks like but the feeling, the partnership, the choosing each other every day? That's real and these couples are living proof.

The Question That Reveals Everything: Would You Still Choose Them Today?

This is the big one, the question that separates "we're just comfortable" from "I genuinely love this person." If you met your partner today, right now, knowing everything you know, would you still choose them?

I asked all six, and I'm not gonna lie, their answers made me emotional.

Twenty-Four said, "Yes, she's wonderful without season."

Without season, meaning always, not just when things are good, not just when she's easy to love but always. That's the kind of certainty we all want.

Big Kelz said, "Yes. He genuinely tries to love me better every day."

Not perfection but trying, and she sees that effort every single day. That's what love is, not being perfect but showing up and trying anyway.

Maggy wrote what can only be described as a love letter: "Yes, I would choose my partner today, every day and a million times more because he has shown me what true love is supposed to feel like. He's patient, he's kind, he's the sweetest, he's handsome (wink) lol, he's my friend, my prayer partner, my safe space, he has a nice voice too, oh his voice melts me, oh gosh! He loves God and he shows that love through me."

She called him her safe space, her prayer partner, her friend. His voice melts her. That's the dream, isn't it? Finding someone who's all of that?

Basil matched her energy: "Yes, I'll still choose her because she's the perfect redefinition of genuine love and friendship, and she's one of the best gifts God has given me after life."

After life. One of the best gifts God has given him after life itself. Let that sink in.

Elvis kept it simple but powerful: "Yes! I would. Because she's an amazing and supportive partner, respectful, and most especially my very good and favourite friend ❤️"

Favourite friend, not just partner but favorite person. That's the foundation that lasts.

Phynar said, "I would choose him over and over and over again. Why? Because he is a KIND man. Emphasis on 'KIND.'"

Out of everything she could have said, looks, ambition, anything, she chose kindness. That's how you know it's real.

Reading these answers, I realized something, real love isn't about finding someone perfect, it's about finding someone who chooses you and you choosing them back every single day. These couples are doing that and honestly, it's beautiful.

The Small Things That Make Love Feel Real

Grand gestures are great, expensive dates, surprise trips, all of that, but you know what actually makes love feel real? The small, quiet, everyday stuff. The things nobody posts on Instagram, the things that happen when nobody's watching.

I asked them what's one small thing your partner does that makes love feel real and their answers were pure sweetness.

Phynar said, "It's his consistency for me. Acts of service and his attention to the tiniest of details."

Consistency, showing up, the small details that most people miss, that's what makes her feel loved.

Elvis said, "Honestly, there's a whole lot, but I think one thing that stands out is how she turns up for me anytime, any day. Most especially through prayers and efforts."

She shows up even when she's tired, even when it's hard, and he sees it, the prayers, the effort, all of it.

Big Kelz said, "He puts effort to make me comfortable and secure."

Comfortable and secure, not anxious or questioning, but safe. That's everything.

Twenty-Four said simply, "She cares about me so much."

Simple but powerful, she cares and he feels it.

Maggy said (and this is the one that made me go "awwwn"), "I wish I didn't have to mention just one, but the one that stands out the most out of a lot is that he is consistent and he listens and reassures me all the time and gives me lots of forehead kisses 🤭"

FOREHEAD KISSES. If you know, you know. Forehead kisses are elite-tier affection and the fact that he does it often enough for her to mention it? That's love.

Basil said, "She's always genuinely grateful for even the littlest things I do."

Gratitude for the small things, acknowledgment of effort, that's what keeps love alive.

This is what real love looks like. Forehead kisses and showing up and consistency and making someone feel safe and gratitude for the small things. And honestly? That's more romantic than any grand gesture.

What They Want You to Know Before You Fall in Love

Love is beautiful, but it's not always easy, so I asked them one final question, what's one thing you'd warn people about love? Not to scare you, but to prepare you because real love requires work and honesty and growth.

Maggy said, "Don't ignore red flags just because you feel butterflies."

Say it louder for the people in the back. Butterflies fade, but red flags don't. If something feels off, pay attention and don't let the excitement blind you to what's actually there.

(And if you're wondering what your personal red flag might be, we made a quiz about it, so take it, be honest, it might save you some heartbreak.) Take the quiz <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love">here.</a>

Basil said, "Never let a misunderstanding, quarrel, or a grudge last for long hours or till the next day."

Talk it out, resolve it, don't let resentment build because communication is everything.

Short, true, important. Some days are hard, some days you'll wonder why you're doing this but that doesn't mean it's not worth it.

Big Kelz said, "It's very easy to lose yourself when you're in love, please don't. You can't change him/her, and in the instance of violence, please leave."

This, all of this. Stay yourself, don't shrink to fit into someone else's idea of who you should be and if there's violence, emotional, physical, any kind, leave because you deserve better.

Phynar said, "Be enough. So that you can differentiate between 'LOVE' and 'INFATUATION.' 'LOVE' and 'LUST.' 'LOVE' and 'OBSESSION.' 'SINCERITY' and 'INTENSITY.'"

Know yourself well enough to know the difference because real love is steady, it's calm, it's sure. Intensity isn't love, obsession isn't love, learn the difference before you give your heart away.

Elvis said, "Love isn't about how someone makes you feel, it's about how someone makes your life function. So don't confuse intensity with compatibility. Lastly, for you to be in love, you need to have a lot of patience. Emphasis on 'A LOT.'"

Love isn't just butterflies; it's a partnership. It's building together, it's making each other's lives better, it's patience when you want to give up. And when you find that? Hold on to it.

Listening to these three couples talk about each other reminded me of something I'd almost forgotten, love is real.

It's not perfect, it's not the movies, it's not Instagram captions and matching outfits but it's real. It's Maggy melting at Basil's voice and being reassured by his forehead kisses. It's Big Kelz feeling secure and 24 thinking she's wonderful without season. It's Phynar choosing kindness and Elvis seeing her prayers and effort.

It's showing up even when you're tired, it's consistency when everything feels chaotic, it's making someone feel safe just by being there. It's two people choosing each other every single day even when it's hard, especially when it's hard.

These couples are proof that you can find someone who sees you, who chooses you, who makes you feel safe and loved and appreciated. Someone who's patient and kind and consistent, someone who's your friend first, someone who makes your life function better just by being in it.

That person exists and when you find them, do the work, choose them back, build something beautiful together because that's what love is, not the feeling but the choice.

As we celebrate love this Valentine's weekend, remember it's not about the grand gestures or the expensive gifts or the perfect Instagram moment. It's about finding someone who gives you forehead kisses, who shows up for you, who tries to love you better every single day.

That's the love worth having and these three couples are living it.

I'm ending this with <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/1Y3LN4zO1Edc2EluIoSPJN?si=f0248dec0a8a41e5">Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez</a> because real love is worth waiting for, worth working for, worth believing in.

Happy Valentine's weekend and may you find the love that chooses you back.

Is love a scam or are we just doing it wrong? Three Nigerian couples get honest about forehead kisses, red flags, and why they'd choose each other again today. Real love exists, and these answers prove it.


Sex & Relationships

Is Love Real?: 3 Nigerian Couples Restore Our Faith In Love 

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