In last month’s issue, we discussed some reasons why you should not date a Yoruba man, and we hope there weren’t any assumptions that this topic was specifically created for our Yoruba brothers because it goes far beyond them. Today’s conversation would be centred on why you should avoid Igbo men when considering relationships. It is generally known that Igbo men are considered hard workers. They are known for their business skills, lucrative ideas and ability to turn anything into a money-making machine. They are the origins of the phrase “container don land” because an average Igbo man is always expecting his goods, always on the move to enquire about more products, and they literally always have imports coming in from all over. There is even wide speculation that some of the richest men in Nigeria are those men who own shops in the main markets at Onitsha, Aba and many more. They are usually poorly dressed and hardly able to speak fluent English, although people believe that regardless of their looks and low literacy level, they are the ones running the country’s money, and their wives are usually one way you can tell how wealthy they are.&nbsp;&nbsp;

After understanding the dynamics of an average Igbo man when it comes to making money, let’s link it up to their dating life. Igbo men can be grouped into two categories: stingy and spenders. I know most people believe that if a man loves you, he’ll spend on you; if he doesn’t, he’s probably spending on someone else. But let us let you in on a little secret: there are men, particularly Igbo men, who would never spend a dime of their hard-earned money on anyone, most of the time not even themselves. On the other hand, there are Igbo men who would spend every single dime on you; they’ll treat you like a queen with money and gifts, they even feel bad whenever they can’t assist you financially – it practically dampens their ego.

Now, the downside of everything is that the Igbo men, who are big on spending, are of the opinion that money solves everything and that spending on you equates to being able to control and monitor you. At first, it doesn’t sound so bad; with every argument, he sends you money, and he monitors your movement because he probably cares. But what happens when you’re deep into the relationship and can’t properly discuss what he did that hurt you? Instead, he believes that money would be the solution to your problem. What happens when he wants to know every detail of where you are and who you’re with, ordering you around and deciding on the friends you should keep and those you shouldn’t keep because, apparently, “he’s spending on you?”

While the stingy ones have a way of convincing and manipulating you into believing that they’ll spend on you in the nearest future – my sister, it’s a trap, and there is absolutely no future where that man would spend a dime on you. He would keep giving you reasons why he can’t spend or how he believes in spending on strictly his wife, NA LIE! In this scenario, this man clearly has the money, excessively even, but he can’t gift you or even assist you with your plans. And before you come up with the ideology of how women feel entitled to men’s money, during courtship or while dating, giving and receiving is a love language!

Emeka and I dated for six months, and I can boldly say that during those six months, I was never broke. I was in my final year studying medicine when I met him, and almost immediately after we met, he put me on a monthly allowance. He also did not fail to send more within the week, especially when he suspected I was spending more than I normally would. Financially, Emeka ensured that I wasn’t burdened, but emotionally, he was almost always unavailable. I said almost because there were very few times he’d show up and listen, but man, most of the time, I wasn’t sure I was in a relationship. He assumed that giving me money was simply enough. Giving me money meant he was doing his best, but money wasn’t the solution to most of my problems. My parents are not poor; they aren’t even average. His money was just an addition to the allowance I got from my parents. As much as I appreciated him, he lacked in most aspects of our relationship because while I played the doting, supportive girlfriend, he played the rich, unavailable, deadbeat boyfriend.

Because of Chima, I believe that all Igbo men are proud and extremely traditional – by traditional, I mean they are very rigid in their idea of how a woman should behave as a wife or even a girlfriend. Allow me to say that Chima was a proud fool who believed that he was better than everyone else, including me, his girlfriend. He was a big showoff, and compared to myself, friends and other men I’ve met, he had little to show. Initially, I didn’t mind his prideful and boastful attitude, but it became irritating when that was all he could discuss. With every conversation, 90% was about the new thing he acquired or was going to acquire and how he couldn’t wait to show people pepper. Even when we would attend events with our friends present, all his conversations were centred on him and what he owned. He had nothing else to offer during conversations; he never listened while others spoke, and he didn’t mind rudely cutting people off while they spoke. He also had a lot of stale traditional beliefs concerning relationships and marriages. He was of the opinion that women were not supposed to work. The worst part was that he wasn’t searching for women with the same belief, but he was searching for a career woman who would quit her job and become a stay-at-home wife. He also couldn’t marry a woman outside his tribe, but he was willing to while away time with other women. He had many other traditional and sexist behaviours.

I can never under why people say Igbo men know how to spend because the two Igbo men I’ve come across never spent a dime. One always had excuses about his business being this and that or his container, which hadn’t landed. This man’s container never landed throughout our relationship, even when I spoke to him about needing financial support with my business. The other said he doesn’t spend money on a woman he wasn’t married to. But oga, how am I going to know that you’ll take care of me and my children when you haven’t ever given me anything while dating?

We hope we’ve been able to convince you with some reasons and true stories as to why you should never consider an Igbo man when deciding to enter a relationship.

Igbo men have made such an impression in Nigeria's dating scene that every woman wants to either be with an Odogwu or become Nwunye Odogwu, and that's beautiful. But we've come up with a few reasons from true stories that might help you reconsider accepting that Odogwu Silencer.

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