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Gaya

Fega had grown to be a strong-willed, emotionally intelligent and stable young woman, but this growth and change didn’t happen overnight; it took a series of dumb choices, stupid mistakes, unrequited love, and different forms of heartbreak. In her early 20s, she had been a burst of unsavoury emotions; she fell in love with literally any man who would spare her a form of attention and the worst part of it all was that 90% of the time, these men never shared whatever feelings she had. Years of poor choices and avoidable mistakes led her down the road of tears and depression, to prove the severity of the matter, she had almost flunked school. In all honesty, it might have been her mother’s prayers that saved her from going down that path because her grades were drastically dropping, she hated her body, and she hated how much love she had to give. Still, no one was ever ready to reciprocate; she hardly looked at herself in the mirror and liked what she saw. But all of a sudden, she just convinced herself that she had to let go of her pitiful feelings; she reminded herself that she was loved at home, so why was she acting like she lacked paternal love when she was daddy’s little princess?

Even after the sudden revelation, which she still strongly believes was the work of her mother’s prayers, it was still a tad difficult for her to let go of the pattern of falling in love with men who were only interested in the sexual aspect of a relationship. She fell but stood back up, cried but wiped away her tears, and today, she had grown into that strong, resilient woman she always admired. She still got into relationships, but nothing stupid because she ensured she was always level-headed, calm, and smart. One wrong move, and she was walking out on whatever. She had learned to prioritize herself and her peace of mind over any silly relationship; she didn’t have the time to spare for any bottom-barrel behaviour. The deal was quite simple: either you respected or excused yourself from her life; there was no in-between.

&nbsp;But there’s always one man, one toxic situationship or relationship that’ll always make you lose every sense in your body, that one toxic ex that breaks all your rules, all your walls come crashing down when it comes to him and for Fega, that man was Effiong. That Akwa-Ibom man literally always drove her insane, but then again, she could hardly ever say no to him. She had met him in December of 2022, and it had been a roller-coaster of events since then. They had never practically dated; it was more of a situationship, and the last time Fega had been in one of those prior to meeting Effiong was back in the university when she was still a child. But this man, this 5ft9, yummy-looking, sexually driven Akwa-Ibom man, had found a way to sneak into her life, probably through a window or the back door, because there was no absolute way that she had deliberately let him in. To make matters worse, she fell for him, she flat on, head over heels fell for him, and obviously, he never felt the same way.

Effiong wasn’t just gorgeous; most toxic exes aren’t, they just have a way with words, they know the right things to say to you, they know you’re more interested in them than they are in you so they play on that, they take advantage of that feeling, they toy with you till whenever. They always act like they are better friends than boyfriends. They are really good listeners because they want to source for the easiest ways to get to you, and they can be extremely funny, sociable and fun. They dare you to make all the decisions you vowed not to make. Fega and Effiong started as a talking stage, and then they had sex, which obviously turned out good because they continued having sex for a year. Fega tried to put a title on their relationship, but he never agreed. He always had excuses like; I’m not ready for a relationship, I want to make enough money first because I want to spoil you or Let’s go with the flow first and see where it leads. And it led on for a year without any reasonable memories except sex. She tried so hard to let go, but whenever he caught her slipping, he would put maximum effort into getting back her attention, and when he did, he’d treat her trash all over. That cycle continued for a year before she forcefully took control of herself again. Her promotion to her company’s headquarters in Abuja made her letting go a lot easier, although there were days she wanted to text him.

When Fega was moving to Abuja, he didn’t bother talking to her, trying to stop or convince her that he loved her. He vaguely told her he would miss her, although she was silently grateful because that would have made things much more difficult. That situation was like the clarity she needed to avoid this guy and move on. Fast-forward to just last month, when Effiong called her randomly; she had deleted his number but still had it in her memory. She was initially hesitant to pick up his call, but she convinced herself she was over him. But if she was truly over him, why did her heart skip a beat, why did all the assumed dead butterflies suddenly resurrect in her stomach, and worse of all, why did her nipples suddenly become erect from the sound of his voice?

Well she picked up his call, he told her he was in her town and would really love to see her, to catch up on old times, gist about the recent happenings in their lives, he told her he missed her so much. This was a man who hadn’t called or texted her to ask her how she was coping in a new town, a new workplace. The last text he ever sent to her was “thank God for a safe trip”, and that was the day she arrived in Abuja, but then again, maybe he truly missed her, she thought, maybe he realized her importance in his life and suddenly wanted to make amends. It might be just a platonic hangout, she tried to convince herself, but she knew Effiong wasn’t texting her because he missed her or loved her; no, this man knew the attraction he had on her; he was in her town, and he needed some fun and what better fun than with someone you already know.

When that ex calls you or texts you after weeks, months or even years of ghosting, you’ll always be tempted to pick up; most times, you’re trying to test your strength. And then they randomly invite you to hang out with them; we both know that that usually ends up with sex, but then again, you’re an adult. The decision is completely up to you, but whatever you decide fight to make sure you don’t end up regretting it. And most times, in all sincerity, post-sex clarity makes you reason a lot better. BTW! This isn’t advice to motivate you to go back to your toxic ex.

For Fega, she eventually met up with Effiong and woke up in his hotel room the next morning, and the post-sex clarity hit her so hard that she blocked him from ever reaching her. Again, this is also not an advice to block your toxic ex.

Meeting up with your toxic ex doesn't necessarily make you seem weak or stupid; it just might be what you need to make your final decision.

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