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Gaya

Nobody talks about how hard it can be to settle for a situationship, especially when you want something more defined that gives you security. Our brains need clarity, and being in the grey zone of situationships can disrupt many things, especially for women who tend to be more emotional. Some would say it's a lack of integrity, low self-esteem, or a lack of discipline that makes people stay in situationships, but that's not all.&nbsp;

You like your partner, feel a certain connection, get sexually involved, and although he/she might communicate that they’re not ready to commit, if you're cool with the arrangement, you'll accept to remain in the grey area. For some people, they don't willingly choose to be in a situationship. It's a situationship they find themselves in, which is how the term situationship became a thing. I love how there's a different term for everything, so we don't blur the lines of your relationship with people. Friendship, courtship, partnership, situationship, and the list goes on and on. Don't get confused yet, today we're focusing on situationships and telltale signs you're in one and not in a real relationship.&nbsp;

One can never understand the ups and downs of a situationship unless they've been in one. Been there, done that, and I'll tell you this for free: situationships breakups hurt just as much as a real relationship. If not more, because the lack of clarity will keep you in doubt and probably resentment.&nbsp;

The first time I heard the word “situationship”, I ran to my Merriam-Webster dictionary app to look it up, and surprisingly, it didn't exist. It's not a real word, so I had to rely on the school of Tiktok and read some articles to give me more clarity on the term.&nbsp;

Situationships are romantic or sexual relationships that haven't been formalised. Boundaries, exclusivity, and labels are what form a real relationship, but situationships lack them. Romance and friendship exist, giving all the benefits of a real relationship without being fully committed. The culture of situationships has become increasingly popular among the younger generation.&nbsp;

Can't commit to a relationship but want to experience connection and the whole package of a relationship with the person you like? You might as well enter a situationship. As someone who has experienced being in a situationship, it has its ups and downs just like a real relationship. Unlike a real relationship, there's no room for progress or vulnerability in a situationship. Imagine putting yourself in a box against all odds, scratching the doorway of a relationship, and when you try to step out (The “What are we question” question), you either fall on your buttocks or land on your feet.&nbsp;

If you're the type who overthink, too emotional or anxious, being in a situationship might not be a good decision. All it takes is one shift in communication, and you're bawling your eyes out over a love that never blossomed.&nbsp;

All relationships are meant to grow, but situationships don't fall into the category, which is why professionals refer to them as the grey zone or grey area. When you should be celebrating milestones like a first anniversary, attending parties together or spending the holiday with each other's families, all you can think about is zero progress. That, my friend, is a clear sign you're in a situationship.&nbsp;

situationships thrive on labels being non-existent, which is how it became a thing. A relationship becomes real when one person asks, “Will you be my girlfriend or boyfriend?” whether in a grand gesture or low-key, as long as the question is asked, a label has been attached to the relationship. If nothing of the sort is asked and you're left to think “What are we” but can't bring yourself to ask, you're riding along with the nonexistent labels and find yourself in a situationship.&nbsp;

One of the downsides of being in a situationship is when communication between the two of you is inconsistent, but you can't complain because you're not in a real relationship. If the person texts once in a blue moon, perhaps they're in your city or less busy, you're in a situationship. Maybe you talk for a long period, but intimate conversations are the limit. Communications in situationships lack depth and leave you in a state of confusion, depending on how often you talk.&nbsp;

Off the top of your head, you don't know how many siblings your partner has or have never met their friends, that's a telltale of a situationship. In many situationships, there's a lack of integration into each other's lives. The communication between you both is fickle, with zero in-depth, you don't do real relationship activities like visiting each other's private or favourite places. The moment you're not together, they don't exist in your space, and you also don't exist in their space. Involving a partner in your life is how real relationships blossom to be deep and meaningful, but situationships lack that.&nbsp;

What is a relationship if boundaries remain unclear? As humans, we all have expectations. Big or small, it runs through us and helps us define all relationships in our lives. A real relationship opens the door to boundaries. You know you can spend the night at their place anytime you want, you can visit their family, say and do anything you want with your partner. If you can't do any of these or can't ask certain questions freely, a situationship is the perfect term for your relationship.&nbsp;

Planning for the future is a normal part of a real relationship. If you're not talking about long-term plans, future goals and planning together, that is a situationship you are in. You might delay defining your relationship, but don't be in denial of being in a situationship. At some point, you’ll need to define your relationship and have that difficult “What are we” talk (All the best to you.) You know the relationship you currently have is working just fine at the moment, and you both decide to act like the future doesn't exist. At least with both of you together.&nbsp;

In a real relationship, everything is said and done. Going on a vacation together, planning anniversary dates, attending friends' weddings, or family get-togethers, or simply talking about upcoming events and plans, is how a real relationship forms. If you both aren't doing these, it's a sign they don't want you to be part of their plans and life in general. If you genuinely think your situationship can develop into a real relationship (Which is very possible), you might have to summon the courage and initiate the conversation. I know it's not easy, but if you’re in love with the person, what do you have to lose except a piece of your heart breaking?&nbsp;

I know of many people in relationships who have never been on dates and don't consider it a “big thing”. Don't let that define your relationship! The dating process is part of building a real relationship. It shows how intentional and invested the person is in building a solid relationship. If they go out with their friends but draw the line when it involves taking you out, that's a big red flag. The longer you stay in (whatever it is) arrangement, you'll be sucked into a situationship without realizing it.&nbsp;

In many situationships, a connection exists but is often shallow. Put aside the sexual connection or little romantic feelings, there's no sustainable connection that a real relationship has. If your relationship remains at the surface level of an acquaintance, the person is showing no interest in getting closer to you. Such shallow connections cut the line of vulnerability and emotional intimacy that makes meaningful romantic relationships.&nbsp;

Nothing screams this is a situationship more than inconsistent planning. They don't invest energy and time to get to know you, plan events or how you spend time together. Their motto is “Let's go with the flow”, and you both just go with the flow of a situationship. Some people are used to making plans on the go, but you will surely tell if it's a real relationship or a situationship. The signs are there, you just have to look closely.&nbsp;

In my opinion, an anxious person has no business being in a situationship. That anxious feeling never ends. It grips you in every lack of communication, no clear boundaries and the absence of a defined, real relationship. This part can take a mental and emotional toll on you. The irregular texts, calls, and overall inconsistency will leave you feeling anxious. If you're constantly anxious about what you mean to each other in your relationship, the best thing is to define it and save yourself the headache.&nbsp;

Bottom line of a situationship, it can work if you're both looking for something casual with no commitment. As long as you're on the same page, the situationship will sail smoothly. If the anxious feeling sets in or one person craves more than the casual connection of the situationship, it is time to talk. If nothing remains said, that leaves you in the grey zone.&nbsp;

Situationships are romantic or sexual relationships that haven't been formalized. Boundaries, exclusivity, and labels are what form a real relationship, but situationships lack them. 

Sex & Relationships

Signs You're in a Situationship, Not a Real Relationship

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