I was posted to Abuja for my National Youths Service Corps (NYSC) back in 2023, and coming from Benin. It was a mild cultural shock because although I had been approached by married men, it had never been at this level before my service year. Married men in Abuja should be considered a different breed, and I believe that they should be studied. However, before you judge completely, take into consideration that Abuja is mostly Muslim-populated, and according to their religion, polygamy is their way of life; this ideology has also been adopted by the Christian brothers in Abuja. Infidelity is a norm to them, and the surprising part is that they would never hide the fact that they are married; if you find out and you approach them, they would pull up lines like, ‘She’s my wife, but you’re the one I love’ or&nbsp; ‘I wish I met you before my wife’. They would not even try to deny it; it’s like they are silently saying this is who I am, take it or leave it and that audacity is outrageous and a bit scary. Another thing you should take note of is that a huge percentage of men in Abuja are married, even the ones who look like bachelors. They are almost always good-looking, dressed nicely, and ready to lavish you with gifts and every one of your attainable needs and wants.

I met Davison on my way to work one Friday morning; as a corper relying on my thirty-three thousand naira monthly allowance, I was very careful and calculative with my spending. I avoided unnecessary expenses, for example, the use of bolt or Uber when I can easily use a motorcycle or tricycle (keke) in my case. Every morning, I would walk from my estate to the end of the street to find a keke that would lead straight to my workplace. That morning, I woke up later than usual and was running late for work; I had been hurriedly walking, if not almost running, when a car slowed down next to me. Sincerely, I was almost irritated because I was expecting someone stupid who would end up annoying me further, but luckily for me, that wasn’t the case. Davison was genuinely good-looking and well-mannered, smelled so good, and spoiled me silly. He pleaded with me for a long time to allow him to drop me off while trying to convince me that he wasn’t a kidnapper. He eventually convinced me, and because I was running extremely late, I accepted his offer.

Believe me when I say this man’s car smelled as good as he did. You could tell that this man was clean from how neat his car looked. We spoke at length during our drive to work, and he was so easy to talk to and a good listener. I got to know from our conversation that his office was not far from where I worked, so he asked if he could give me a ride home. I reluctantly agreed before exchanging numbers and continued our busy day. I wasn’t sure he would actually come pick me up, but to my surprise, around 4 pm, he was already at the parking lot. He asked me about my day and attentively listened to me nag and complain about my colleagues at the office, he offered that we go out for lunch before dropping me off at home, and my famished ass didn’t hesitate to say yes. He took me to a fancy restaurant and let me order whatever I wanted, from appetizer to dessert; he was attentive and caring to my every choice and decision.

I know you might be judging and thinking this is just day one; he’s probably just trying to get into your pants, but for the one month he never mentioned it, he never even suggested I come over to his place for Netflix and chill, although thinking about it now, I fully understand why he didn’t. Our weekdays followed the same cycle: drop me at work, send me lunch, pick me up, take me to dinner and drop me off on weekends. He’d send me huge sums of money for upkeep, and it wasn’t necessary because this man got me anything I wanted. There were Saturdays when he would randomly buy me groceries and bring them to my house. During the week, I saw my monthly visitor, and he literally reached out to an Instagram vendor to send me a care package. Till today, Davison is still the most charming and intentional man I have ever met. This man paid attention to every little detail; he was always the first to spot out my discomfort and sadness, and he was always willing to go to any length just to put a smile on my face. It wasn’t until our second month of dating, after he asked me out in the most romantic way, that we finally had sex, and let me tell you, it was amazing. It felt more like lovemaking than just random sex. He paid attention to every inch of my body, pleasuring me in the most beautiful and intentional way. Overall, sex with Davison was amazing.

In the third month of our relationship, he travelled to Ontario, Canada, for some emergencies. I missed him so dearly, but he never failed to text me, send me lunch and dinner, and send his driver to pick up and drop me off every day. When I say that man was intentional, I mean he was fully intentional, no half-ass shit. I hardly ever viewed Davison’s WhatsApp status because it was mostly about God and his business, but on one particular evening, I missed him dearly because he hadn’t called or texted all day, nor had he returned any of my calls or texts. I concluded that he might be busy and just settled on looking through his status; lo and behold, guys, my man was posting a picture of a newborn baby girl and congratulating himself. He also posted a picture of himself, the baby, and the new mother, captioning it as a happy family. Davison didn’t stop there; he presented this strange woman with a car key as a push present, thanking her for making him a father.

I was utterly shocked, confused, and disheartened. He didn’t reply to my calls or texts for the next few days until he returned to Nigeria. This was a man who got jealous when other men approached me; when he saw me talking to my male colleagues, he would almost flare up. He’d always hold my hand in public, saying that he didn’t want any male attention on his woman and all this while my man was married. He actually had the audacity to come to my workplace to pick me up the evening he landed; I sat inside his car to avoid humiliating him and myself. His first excuse was that I never asked him if he was married, then he went on to say that he wished he met me earlier because he really loves me; his wife is basically like a roommate, and I’m the one he’s truly in love with. It was quite difficult moving on from Davison, and he did not make it any easier. He kept trying to reach out, still sending me money and gifts; this man couldn’t let me have my heartbreak in peace.

The moral of the story, my ladies, is that on every first date, your number one question of interest should be, “Are you married, sir?” because the audacity of these married men, particularly the ones in Abuja, is absolutely frightening.&nbsp; &nbsp; 

Married man in Abuja always wish they had met you before their wives, and they would make it known with so much audacity.

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