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Gaya

Lara “29” always dreamt of having a fairytale kind of love. Something straight out of a movie, like the Peter Kavinsky and Lara Jean type. Unrealistic? Yes? But after witnessing years of her parents' toxic marriage, she vowed to have the complete opposite. Dating life was fun, and she had better expectations of how married life would be. Sadly, harsh reality hit after a year into marriage, and things weren't as smooth sailing as she wanted.&nbsp;

“No one really tells you what to expect in marriage and as someone who wanted to escape the toxic cycle of my parents, I had no experienced person to offer advice. I let my expectations take control and I think that's where I went wrong,” Lara admitted.

The expectations for married life made Lara disappointed. Her partner, Daniel “33” mentioned they book a therapy session and this suggestion made her feel like she had failed.&nbsp;

Daniel wasn't new to therapy and it took a while to convince Lara to go to couples therapy. For Lara, going to therapy felt like a confirmation that everything was falling apart. Despite her determination on the type of marriage she wanted, she wondered if she was putting enough work. Daniel flipped the script. He wanted their marriage to work and knew it would be hard if they didn't walk into the therapy.&nbsp;

Like many young couples, Lara and Daniel decided to book a session early before their relationship blew up. Not because their relationship was broken, but they wanted it to sail smoothly. It took time for Lara to come to terms with therapy, but she would rather do the maintenance before it blew up.

Let’s be real, therapy used to be the thing couples tried when everything was falling apart. Often seen as a last ditch attempt to save a long-term relationship.More and more young couples are walking into therapy not because they’re broken, but because they want to work. According to Natalie Gawley, it's like “Seeing a personal trainer or dental hygienist.” Consider it as fine tuning your relationship just like you'd fine tune other aspects of your life.&nbsp;

They booked a couples therapy session. Not because they were breaking up, but because they didn’t want to get to that point. And honestly? That’s becoming more common than you’d think.Their relationship didn’t get worse in therapy. It got real. And then it got better.

Yep. Young couples are leaving the old style of handling mental problems behind closed doors. Seeking professional help is not a crime and they're not hesitating to book sessions, ask tough questions and try to build something healthy.&nbsp;

1. We’re unlearning what we grew up with&nbsp;&nbsp;

Lara grew up watching her parents handle conflict with silence or on some days screaming matches that could bring the roof down. As a first born child, she wasn't shielded or spared from her parents drama. She was often put in the center and she made a vow to never be in such a relationship.&nbsp;

Like her, many of us want a relationship very different from our parents especially if it wasn't a pleasant one. The desire to carry such a cycle or live in that manner was not in our cards and opting for therapy is a good start.&nbsp;

Daniel and Lara made a list of things they had noticed about each other. Icks and nice gestures included. It helped them reflect on things that could easily be missed in their relationship and cause an argument if not addressed. It was the first exercise their therapist made them adopt and it helped them communicate better.&nbsp;

“Nobody prepares you for the nitty gritty parts of marriage. I know people say communication is key, but sometimes conversation can only go so far. That was what I thought before therapy. I'm very quick with my response especially during an argument and it would make Daniel shut me out. Every chance of communicating would be out of the window and build resentment more. But as I slowly learned what therapy is about, I learned to communicate better, listen, and disagree gently.

I had to stop projecting the trauma of my parents relationship and my expectations solely onto my partner. Going to therapy made me learn new things about myself and my partner. One would think our love was enough to get through anything but nope. We needed more than love to understand ourselves perfectly.”

Dealing with a partner is not a walk in the park as movies would have you believe. Sometimes, it's about the little things. Like recognizing you or your partner needs space or reassurance. And it can be hard to detect without proper communication.&nbsp;

Young couples are learning to be different from what they've witnessed. They want to do better for their partners and make it work. Therapy is a good form that teaches you how to navigate conflict, communicate better, express your needs and wants, and handle hiccups.&nbsp;

A lot of us grew up watching our parents’ generation sweep things under the rug. Nobody wants to be like their parents in that area. Arguments? Ignored. Feelings? Bottled. Emotional needs? Zero. Dealing with such a relationship has gone stale and there's acceptance in choosing to go for therapy.&nbsp;

“I don't want to repeat a toxic cycle,” Lara repeated many times and she finally went to therapy. Young couples are willing to talk it out, not tough it out like the problems would go away if ignored. The times when you'll feel like your partner isn't understanding you, therapy gives you the space to speak without any judgement and get your message across to your partner.&nbsp;

2. We're doing life differently&nbsp;&nbsp;

The older generation and religious people stand against cohabitation of couples before marriage. They see it as a “sin,” an act that two young couples have no business doing unless they've tied the knot.&nbsp;

Many young couples don't care anymore. Cohabitating with a partner can help to showcase behaviors of your partner that you might not be aware of during the dating phase. Compatibility is very important in marriage. And more couples are learning to find out if they are compatible with their partner before marriage, how they can live together in harmony, how each person manages money and their space. Questions like these have become a necessity to be spoken about between couples.&nbsp;

And in cases where important questions have been missed and seem to be causing problems after marriage, it is okay to seek therapy. A neutral space to explore every important question without judgement. Just clarity and support.&nbsp;

3. Mental health isn’t taboo anymore&nbsp;

With 80% of people in therapy, you might be looked at weirdly if you're not in therapy. Especially if you have certain mental issues to deal with. Therapy was a topic whispered behind closed doors. Many people would rather wear their trauma as a badge, further hurting the people closest to them rather than heal from it.&nbsp;

Well, the great news is our generation has begun to embrace it and is now quite normalized. Mental health awareness is widespread and taking care of your mental health is just as important as your body health in general. Once you're ready to work on your mental health, it's only right to bring that same energy to your relationship just like Daniel did.&nbsp;

Many couples go to therapy to fix the problems, understand, and handle conflict better. Not because things are bad or their marriage is failing but because they want to keep things good.&nbsp;

“When I mentioned we're seeing a therapist, my mom gave me a bombastic side eye that made me instantly regret telling her. But it gave me all the reassurance I needed that I made a great choice,” Lara knew her mom would be against and say things like the devil was playing in their marriage and offer unsolicited prayers. Yet it was like a confirmation that she had shifted out of a cycle her parents had exposed her to.&nbsp;

Many people and couples now share their therapy journeys without hesitation. It's not something to be seen as shame but as a strength to fix yourself and your relationship.&nbsp;

4.&nbsp; We're tired of struggling in silence&nbsp;&nbsp;

Lara’s parents would have rather wanted her to deal with her marital problems in silence rather than go see a therapist. God forbid what the neighbors would say if they found out a young couple were visiting a therapist.&nbsp;&nbsp;

Sticking it out was not the advice she wanted cause for all the wrong reasons, it wouldn't fix anything. One advantage younger couples have and are using to build better relationships is being emotionally aware. We recognize a problem and aren't afraid to ask for help.&nbsp;

Needing support or advice isn't a sign of failure. The fact young couples know they need advice concerning their marriage, they aren't consulting the wrong people like friends or family who can impact their marriage negatively. Rather they choose the therapist alternative. No relative attachment, zero judgement, and no bias. A great option if not the best.&nbsp; It's always better to get help early in the relationship before it falls apart beyond repair. Young couples are in therapy because they want their relationships to actually work and flourish. Between societal pressures and personal expectations, young couples are choosing to do the work early and not damage control later.&nbsp;

Going to therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is on the rocks. It could be, depending on your relationship dynamic or it might actually mean you’re trying harder than most to make your relationship work.&nbsp;

Having a long lasting relationship is not a walk in the park. The hard work it requires isn't always easy and getting the help of a therapist is a new sign of commitment. By choosing therapy, young couples are prioritizing growth, vulnerability, and real communication over unnecessary chaos.

So if you and your partner are thinking about going to therapy, go ahead. It’s not an alien option or a last resort. It’s a smart choice and your future selves will thank you.&nbsp;

It's not because they’re falling apart. It's because they want to make it last.


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