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Gaya

There's a particular statement certain people love making about their friendships.

“We can go three months without talking, and when we finally speak, it's like nothing has changed.”

But wait. Three whole months? Nobody called? Nobody checked in? Nobody even sent a random “How far, you dey alright?” message?

And you're proudly announcing this as evidence of a strong friendship? Okay o.&nbsp;

Don't get it wrong. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having friendships where you don't speak every day. Some people genuinely understand each other's schedules, responsibilities and need for personal space, and they do what works for them. 

Yes, it is absolutely true that you can go a while without talking to your friend(s) and still care deeply about each other.

But somewhere along the line, some people started using low-maintenance friendship as another way of saying, “I don't have to do anything, and you'll still be my friend.”

Because a friendship that doesn't demand constant attention is one thing. A friendship where you're not making any effort to maintain is another.

So, before you proudly describe yourself as a low-maintenance friend, here are six signs that you might actually be the lazy one.&nbsp;

P.s: If you recognise yourself in 2-3 of these signs, you need to start fixing up immediately!&nbsp;

1. YOU NEVER CHECK IN UNLESS THEY REACH OUT FIRST.

Quick question: If your friend stopped calling or texting you today, how long would it take before you noticed?

Or would you both simply disappear from each other's lives until somebody gets married and sends an invitation? Or would you be the friend that gets to hear about the birth of their child at their 5th year birthday celebration?

It's understandable that you may not always be the first person to reach out. Sometimes you're busy. Sometimes they're busy. Sometimes one person naturally initiates conversations more often.

But if your friend is always the one asking how you're doing, starting conversations and making sure the connection doesn't disappear, there's a chance they've been doing most of the friendship maintenance.

And perhaps you've become so used to it that you don't even notice.

Checking in doesn't always require a two-hour phone call. Sometimes a simple “I thought of you today. How have you been?” is enough.

The point isn't to keep score. It's to show that the friendship matters to you too.

2. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THEIR LIFE ANYMORE.

You know their favourite food. You remember their embarrassing secondary school nickname. You can even tell the story of how you became friends without missing a detail.

But do you know what they're currently working towards?

Do you know whether they're happy at their job? Whether that situation they were worried about ever worked out? Whether they've recently experienced something exciting or difficult?

Or is your knowledge of their life permanently stuck in 2022? Or in the year of your secondary school/university graduation?

Friendship isn't just about knowing who someone used to be. It's also about taking an interest in who they're becoming.

You cannot always be referring to the past when you are catching up. How about the present? What about the future?&nbsp;

People change. Their priorities change. Their experiences shape them.

And while you don't have to know every single detail of your friend's life, there should be some curiosity about what's going on with them.

If you're always finding out about major developments through their Instagram stories, perhaps it's time to ask yourself how connected you really are.

3. YOU RARELY SHOW UP FOR THE THINGS THAT MATTER TO THEM.

Your friend starts a business. They invite you to check it out. You forget. You apologise. They say, "It's okay, I understand."

They tell you about an important presentation. You wish them luck, but never ask how it went.

They share something they've been working towards for months. You say, “That's nice,” and move on.

Now, nobody is saying you must buy every product your friend sells, attend every event or become their personal cheerleader 24/7.

Sometimes you genuinely can't afford to support financially. Sometimes you can't attend physically. Sometimes you have your own responsibilities.

But support isn't always about money or showing up in person.

It can be sharing their work, encouraging them, celebrating their progress or simply remembering to ask how something important went.

And it works both ways. Friendship isn't only about being available when someone is struggling. It's also about being interested when good things happen to them.

If you want your friends to celebrate your wins, it's worth asking whether you're making room to celebrate theirs.

4. YOU'RE ALWAYS TOO BUSY TO MAKE TIME FOR THEM.

Between work, school, family, personal responsibilities and trying to figure out what exactly you're doing with your life, there are days when even replying to messages feels like work.

But if every attempt to catch up is met with “I've been so busy,” and you never suggest another time, the friendship might slowly begin to feel one-sided.

It's what happens when you consistently leave no room for the people you say matter to you.

You don't have to be available every weekend. You don't have to answer every call immediately. And you certainly don't have to abandon your responsibilities to prove you're a good friend.

But perhaps you can suggest a better day to talk. Perhaps you can send a voice note during a free moment. Perhaps you can make plans occasionally instead of always waiting for your friend to do it.

Because making time for someone doesn't always mean having plenty of time. Sometimes it means being intentional with the little time you have.

5. YOU EXPECT UNDERSTANDING BUT RARELY OFFER THE SAME EFFORT.

You disappear for weeks, and your friend understands.

You forget to reply, and they don't make a fuss.

You cancel plans because something came up, and they give you grace.

But when they need you to show up, do you extend that same consideration?

Or have you become comfortable with the idea that a good friend should simply understand your absence, no matter how often it happens?&nbsp;

Low-maintenance friendships work because there's mutual understanding, not because one person is expected to tolerate everything.

There will be seasons when you genuinely have less energy to give. A friend who cares about you should be able to recognise that and vice versa.

But understanding shouldn't become a permanent excuse for neglecting the relationship.

And if your friend eventually tells you they feel disconnected, that is not the time to defend yourself or remind them that "I'm not a texting person." It's important that you listen to their concerns and make some adjustments.&nbsp;

Maybe they're not asking you to become one.

Maybe they're simply asking to feel like they matter.

6. YOU RELY ON HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN FRIENDS INSTEAD OF HOW YOU'RE TREATING EACH OTHER NOW.

“We've been friends for ten years.” Okay, and?

It is true that ten years is a lot of shared experiences, inside jokes, memories and probably a few stories neither of you would ever tell in public.&nbsp;

Knowing someone for ten years doesn't automatically mean you've been a present friend for all ten.

Sometimes, people become so comfortable with the history of a friendship that they stop paying attention to its present.

You assume the connection will always be there because it has always been there. Err, not entirely correct.

Friendships, like other relationships, can change when nobody is actively nurturing them.

That doesn't mean every friendship needs to remain as close as it was five years ago. Sometimes people naturally grow apart, and that's okay.

But if you still want to call someone one of your closest friends, it's worth considering whether your actions reflect that closeness.

It just shouldn't be the only thing holding the friendship together.

So, does this mean you have to start calling everybody every day?

Not necessarily. Nobody is asking you to turn your contact list into a daily attendance register.&nbsp;

The goal isn't constant communication, though; that's nice too. It's intentional connection.

And intentional connection will look different in different friendships.

For some people, it's a weekly call. For others, it's checking in occasionally, making plans when possible, remembering important moments or simply being honest when life gets overwhelming.

With all stated here, it's also important to recognise that not every friendship has the same expectations. Some friends are perfectly comfortable with long gaps between conversations. Others feel closer when there's more regular communication.

Neither approach is automatically wrong. What matters is whether both people understand each other's needs and are willing to make an effort that works for them.

And if you're currently going through a particularly demanding season, you can communicate that too. A simple “Things have been a lot lately, but I haven't forgotten about you” can go a long way.

Because the issue isn't that you sometimes go quiet.

It's whether you still make an effort to reconnect.

You won't always get it right. Neither will your friends.

But being a good friend isn't about getting everything right. It's about caring enough to keep showing up in ways that are meaningful and possible.

So, if there's someone you've been meaning to call, someone whose big news you forgot to follow up on or someone who's been carrying most of the conversations lately, perhaps this is your sign to do something about it.

Because low-maintenance friendships are real. But low-maintenance should never become an excuse for no effort.

You don't have to talk every day to be good friends. But if you're calling your friendship low-maintenance just because nobody expects anything from you, we might need to have a conversation.

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