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Gaya

My fellow young adults, are we truly living for ourselves in this country? Because, tell me why, now that I am finally ready to settle down, I am discovering a Nigerian marriage checklist I never knew existed.

For instance, I was so sure tribe wouldn’t even be a bone of contention with my parents because we are amongst the educated <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/reasons-why-you-should-never-date-an-igbo-man">Igbos</a>. But now, even louder than their own opinions is the question, “What will people say?”

On my twenty-fifth birthday, the very first thing my Nigerian mother said to me that morning was, “I was this age when I gave birth to you, Ada mu.”

Back then, I was oblivious to the pressure that was brewing and would eventually intensify in the years to come, so I didn’t think much of it. I just thought she was sharing a fact with me. I mean, I was fresh out of medical school in Russia and had just returned to Nigeria, trying to get on my own two feet, so she knew marriage was not a priority for me at that point. At least, so I thought.

But with every passing year since then, whenever we went home for Christmas, that became the conversation. All of a sudden, it became the only conversation I had with oversabi aunties and uncles.

Two years ago, when my older brother got married, I thought I had finally escaped because, at least, he would give them a grandchild soon enough. But instead, it only intensified. It became a comparison. They’ll say things like, “Nonso, who is a man, has got married, and you’re still here. Don’t you know you’re your parents’ only <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/unlearning-everything-my-mother-taught-me-about-being-a-good-woman-episode-1-if-you-don-t-sweep-every-morning-no-man-will-marry-you-">daughter</a>?”

(Turns out that in Igbo land, girls are typically expected to get married earlier than men because, after all, we are not meant to chase the bag…we should only chase babies, LOL.)

In the twenty-first century? I was utterly shocked.

Now, I have finally brought a man home… and they have switched up the conversation. There is a whole checklist, and I am nearly losing my mind.

Abeg, hear some of the questions being asked:

• “What tribe is he?” He is Igbo, but from a different state, and they go ahead to ask…

• “What kind of family is he from? We will need to investigate his lineage properly because men from that state are known to be very possessive.”

• “We hope his parents are still together and not divorced?” I was so lost...do they think divorce is genetic or something?

• “What does he do for a living?” I could understand this question, until an uncle added…

• “How much does he earn?” The confused face I gave made him so uneasy that he had to turn it into a joke and say, “You know you’re our princess and you have expensive taste. So we want to be sure he can afford it.”

• “Which church does he attend? We hope you won’t have to leave Catholicism?”

• “Does he speak Igbo fluently? We hope you people communicate in Igbo, and he is not a fake Igbo man that doesn’t eat&nbsp;swallow.&nbsp;" I had to laugh at this point because I wouldn’t have been here if he were a typical Igbo man, no offence. I mean, who is supposed to be pounding yams every blessed day?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the intentions behind all the cross-examination are good. But it genuinely gets exhausting that they’re asking stereotypical questions, rather than the deeper ones that truly matter and can make or break our marriage.

I almost forgot to add that an aunt even called me aside to ask whether he likes and wants to have plenty of <a href="https://aura.ng/culture/the-responsible-child-curse-when-being-good-costs-you-everything">children</a>. She said, and I quote, “You know you and your brother are your parents’ only children. So you need to give them as many grandchildren as possible.” This one was both extremely hilarious and infuriating.

Why all this pressure? If my fiancé were not also from an Igbo family (albeit half… a detail only my brother knows, for now), I’m sure they would have scared him away with all their traditional jokes and demands.

I am grateful to finally be in my <a href="https://aura.ng/culture/how-to-plan-a-luxurious-wedding-on-a-budget-in-2026">bridal era</a>, but my fingers are also crossed for all the drama that will unfold because, from the look of things, there will be a whole lot of it. But I am ready for it all. Contrary to our parents, I believe more in true love than in what “people will say". So now that I have found the love of my life, I am willing to put up a good fight…against all odds.

Before anyone says yes in Nigeria, there's a quiet evaluation happening — family background, tribe, money, religion, and "what people will say". Here's the checklist nobody admits exists.



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