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Gaya

Somewhere between "buy Bitcoin" and "never come back to Nigeria," we realised this wasn't going to be the piece we planned. We asked ten Nigerians what they would tell their younger selves, expecting wisdom. What we got was funnier, sadder, stranger, and so much more human than that.

He's probably thinking of the number of houses and cars he would have now, if only… well, we feel you too Deji. We wish we bought Bitcoin too. (We really do.)

"Change your seat partner. To 11 year old me specifically."

The specificity of "11 year old me specifically" is what gets us. There's definitely a story behind this and we're curious. What did his seat partner do? We're actually leaning towards the fact that it was a girl and she broke his heart. We might be wrong sha.

At just 21? Nigerian men are never beating the allegation. What did y'all do to Shakara Baby? We feel you girl and we are taking your advice immediately.

"You should have started saving from the money you got from your primary 6 graduation!"

Mary is still thinking about that primary 6 graduation money at 26 and honestly so are we now. We were all handed envelopes at some point and just gave them to our mummies to keep. We shouldn't have. We really shouldn't have.

"Patient dog will not eat any fattest bone!"

We laughed at this one. This proverb is definitely not applicable in Nigeria. Here, it is the violent that taketh it by force.

Tory said four words and somehow managed to describe a pattern that most of us recognise immediately and have never been able to name that cleanly. We are keeping this one. Screenshotting it even.

"Leave your parents' house so you can find opportunities and sit up oo."

There is something very specifically Nigerian about this one. The house that feels safe but is actually just familiar. The opportunities that exist outside of it that nobody tells you about because everyone around you is also still inside. Rita figured it out and she wants her younger self to figure it out faster. The "sit up oo" at the end is doing everything. We hear you Rita.

"Woooohhhh guy, never come back to Nigeria. Never."

We felt this in our chest. We listen, we don't judge, but you came back to Nigeria? Why? The "never" at the end suggests he has thought about this more than once. We are not going to unpack it further. Anyways, you are here now, we are rooting for you. (Somehow.)

"Let your light shine so brightly that you don't end up looking for just a spark."

Rose is saying that she spent time, real time, searching for brightness in other people because she had turned her own down so low she forgot it was there. That is not a small thing to admit at 27. That is the kind of self-awareness that only comes after you have already done the dimming and felt the cold of it.

"I'll tell my younger self to stand up for herself and never allow others to walk over her. I'll tell my younger self to be less introverted."

Kris kept it short but there is a whole story underneath it. A girl who let people walk over her because she was too in her head to push back, who watched things happen to her from the inside of her own silence. At 23, she would go back and hand her younger self a voice she clearly had all along but never fully used.

"I used to worry about the future a lot. I'll tell myself that the older version of me will be stronger, wiser, and more resourced, and I'd need to trust him to handle it. I do not necessarily need to overthink or carry it all today."

Idakpo said something that sounds simple until you actually think about it. The idea that the person you are still becoming is already equipped for everything you are currently losing sleep over, and that you can trust them in advance, before you have even become them yet. We have been carrying our futures like they are ours to manage right now. Idakpo at 27 is saying: put it down. The older you will handle it.

"It gets better, if you stick with God. It gets better, but you have to earn it."

The second sentence is what makes this one land differently. Not just "it gets better," which is easy to say. "You have to earn it." There is something honest and almost bracing about that. It doesn't let you off the hook. It gets better, but you have work to do, and Chinaza knows that now in a way he didn't before.

"To be less afraid and face anything head on. I'd speak up more about my feelings and hurt. I'll put myself first and make sure I please myself first. I'd ask God first before a man of God. I would wait and ask questions about relationships of any kind. I wouldn't force myself on anyone or into any relationship. I would love myself to the highest peak before seeking love from outside. I would reveal less."

Everything on this list is about becoming more; more vocal, more self-loving, more discerning, except the last one. "I would reveal less." Six things about expanding and then that final quiet instruction about closing something off. We don't know what she revealed or to whom. We hope she's fine.

"Dear Peace, be strong for the challenges that will come your way. Life isn't always easy but you have what it takes to scale through. Don't lose your bold nature. It will give you access to rooms you didn't think you'd ever enter. Live a little. Smile often, give love a chance. It will take friendship to build healthy relationships. You're that girl. You're who you think you are. So never dim your light for any reason. Prioritize your walk with God in this world full of chaos. I love you and I'm rooting for you."

Peace wrote herself a letter and signed it with love. "Your bold nature will give you access to rooms you didn't think you'd ever enter" is a line that deserves to live somewhere permanent. We are rooting for her too.

"You see the people that didn't believe in you, don't worry yourself, you won't even remember them or how they looked like anymore. Just believe in yourself and focus on being a better person. You will break up with the love of your life but you will find a better person and you will know it was a painful but good decision you made for your future. Don't ever lose your smile because it is your superpower."

"You will break up with the love of your life but you will find a better person." Effy said this like she has already been through it and come out the other side and is reaching back to tell herself it was worth it. The smile being a superpower at the end made us feel something we weren't expecting to feel on a random Tuesday. Effy is fine. Effy is more than fine.

"You're not as strong as you think. Seek help."

These words suggest that a younger version of him was carrying something very heavy while pretending very convincingly that he wasn't. The pretending clearly cost him something. He'd like his younger self to know it wasn't worth it. We hope he's seeking help now. We hope you are too if you need to.

"Learn to love yourself and forgive yourself. It's not your fault."

We don't know what it is. We don't need to. What we know is that somewhere between childhood and 27, Clotide carried something she was never supposed to carry. And the most important thing she would tell her younger self is that she was never to blame for it. Said simply, without context, without explanation, this landed harder than most things we've read all week.

"Hi Dee baby (laughs). You know, it's okay to actually tell Mom how you're feeling. I know she's harsh and all but it's really because she loves you and wants the best for you. Don't worry, she's really soft and friendly now, we even gist and we even get to hear 'I love you's' even though it sounds foreign and feels weird to say it back. I must warn you, I know we wanted to study Law but I changed my mind and got interested in theatre arts but life threw English our way. Funny right. We made new friends and we no longer cry under the guise of missing daddy when we're actually hungry. He's not back yet though. I really miss him. We're big, bold and beautiful now and I'm serving even when I need to be served. I still have that dream of becoming a filmmaker and I'm going to make you proud. I love you, TUTUKE."

Dee wrote a letter. A real one. And somewhere in the middle of it, between the law degree and the mother who got softer and the filmmaker dream still very much alive, she slipped in the most quietly heartbreaking thing in this entire piece: we no longer cry under the guise of missing daddy when we're actually hungry. A child who was hungry and missed her father and cried for both at once and told neither story clearly. We read the end, where she is big and bold and beautiful and still missing him and still going after the dream, and we felt everything.

Dee, we are rooting for you too. TUTUKE, you made it.

Okay, we're going to be serious for one second. Please read the next one properly.

"I would have told her that she should have stood up for herself, she should have spoken up instead of letting her molesters go away without facing the consequences of their actions. She shouldn't have been blinded by the impression of being close friends with your molesters and letting them have their way with you at a very young and tender age."

We are including this exactly as it was written. Without a joke before it. Without an observation after it. Stella is 18 years old. What happened to her should not have happened. What she would tell her younger self is that speaking up was always the right thing, that closeness to someone does not make what they did acceptable, that she deserved protection she was not given. We hope she has it now.

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual abuse, please reach out to <b><a href="https://mirabelcentre.org/">The Mirabel Centre</a> </b>or a trusted adult. You are not alone, and it is never your fault.

Nobody said work harder. Nobody said stop procrastinating. Nobody said your time is coming, keep going, believe in yourself and the universe will provide.

What came back was funnier, sadder, more specific, and more honest than that. Regret specific enough to sting. Love for themselves they wish they'd had earlier. Things they wish they had said sooner or never said at all. Grief that showed up in the middle of a sentence about something else entirely. And two words about cryptocurrency.

This is what people actually carry. Not the lessons that look good as captions. The real ones. The ones that took years to learn and still cost something to say out loud.

We are grateful they said them. And now we are going to go and quietly think about our own younger selves for the rest of the day. You should too.

We expected regret about careers and relationships. What we got was something quieter, stranger, and far more honest than that.

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