No one has the same preference. What one person likes is different from what another person would like. Which is why red flags are different according to one's values and beliefs. The internet has made us believe that people who speak bad grammar, have bad taste in fashion and are terribly rude are red flags. I agree with some of them because from my point of view, someone with bad grammar is marked red . But there are major red flags we should not ignore in a relationship because ignoring these signs can make your relationship with your partner toxic or abusive. Which can be hard to pull out from once you are in too deep. 

We are bringing to you 7 common red flags to run away from. 

What are red flags? 

Most times red flags  are specific to individuals and their values. For example, not being from a particular tribe can be a deal breaker for some people. 

Red flags can be tricky to identify at the beginning of a relationship. We tend to ignore the warning signs, words or actions like “they are not ready for a relationship” and move on with it, but we cannot blame ourselves because this takes time to figure out. 

Love bombing 

Some Nigerian men are fond of this. They walk up to you, shower you with gifts and affection. Call you every day and even talk about the future with you only for them to serve you breakfast at the end. Love bombing is common among narcissist and goes hand in hand with other toxic relationships traits like gaslighting, and emotional abuse. 

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is when your partner holds you responsible for what they did or the way they reacted in a situation. It is a form of manipulation that would make you insecure and question your sanity. Learn to trust your guts when something feels weird in a relationship. 

Abusive behaviour

If anyone verbally, physically, emotionally, or sexually abuses you. Get help immediately and leave. This type of red flag should not be resolved in the context of a relationship. 

Controlling

Getting jealous can be pretty normal but when your partner becomes possessive or controlling of your plans to go out with your friends and isolates you from them, take it as a serious sign of emotional abuse. 

Substance Abuse

An alcoholic is a red flag. Anyone who takes drugs to make themselves feel better is also a red flag. If your partner does this and refuses help. I suggest you walk away. Some of them end up being abusive to their partners. 

Always talking about their crazy exes

There is a 50% chance that people who do this contributed a lot to their past breakups. The person says nothing positive about any of them and would surely do the same about you. 

Poor communication

If your partner does not talk to you about things or seems absent in the relationship and doesn’t respond to calls and text messages on time. It means the person is distracted or disconnected. If this happens try having a conversation to know why they seem disconnected. 

How to address red flags 

The tricky thing about red flags is that it can be hard to know whether to address it with your partner or just run. But you can take these simple steps to handle a red flag. 

Do not ignore a red flag

Sometimes, we excuse these signals and dismiss them as "just one mistake". But you should not ignore a red flag, take it as a sign to assess the situation and decide if you want to leave or  invest in the person. 

Check yourself

You've identified a red flag, what is the next step? You should reflect and try not to be harsh on your partner. Check if it is a real issue or if it is something you can sort out with your partner. 

Communicate

Talk it out with your partner. Tell them what you don’t like about their behaviour and what you would not accept. Sharing your own vulnerability and interpretation can help your partner to learn about you and present themselves in a more accurate way. 

Don’t settle

If you have done the steps mentioned above and your partner still doesn’t change. It’s time for you to move on. It would be easier if you and your partner are not really invested. If your partner abuses you please leave and get help immediately. Again you cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change. 

If you spot a red flag do not ignore it, ask yourself why it bothers you and try communicating with your partner, one thing is sure. It’s either you continue or end the relationship.