You meet someone. You fall in love with them so hard and fast that your knees grow a little weak. In the beginning, your relationship with them almost  seems like a fairy tale. A beautiful fairytale you're hoping never ends. You genuinely believe that the person you just met is the one for you; the only one for you.

But then, the months wear on, and you start to notice cracks in the seemingly unbreakable bond. You know that sometimes cracks are normal, so, you wait for the cracks to pass. Except, they don’t pass. They build up with alarming consistency; one bad happening after another. 

You try to communicate with your partner but suddenly it seems like they don’t hear you anymore. It’s like they’ve turned into someone else. Your “perfect love story” is starting to look a little different.
Naturally, you start to think deeply about the relationship. The more you think about it, the more your heart breaks. You make an attempt to have a conversation about it, but your partner is distant. After a while, you notice your heart is starting to grow distant  from them.

You find yourself craving moments when you’re not alone with them. The warmth that the relationship used to hold slowly reduces to ice.

You make a last attempt to make it work, but you are met with resistance from your partner. One night while lying in bed next to them, you realize you don’t love them anymore. But you stay on, hoping the feelings come back. You wait for it, but it doesn’t come. 

You suddenly know with an inevitability that your relationship is nearing its end. On the day you finally decided to end things, you don’t feel the pain or heartbreak that accompanies a breakup.

While this is a “vivid imagination” it is a startling reality for a lot of people.

You see, some people go through the grieving and heartbreaking processes while they’re still in the relationship. You shed the tears, you feel the anger, you even experience the pain of loss while still in a relationship with the person. When you eventually leave, you have already mentally prepared herself for the inevitable breakup, creating a sense of detachment that shields you from any  heartache.

This can be devastating and confusing for the person in a relationship with you. They will not be able to understand your calm façade while dealing with the breakup and might question if  you ever truly loved them. 

Our hearts can disconnect from a relationship long before our minds catches up. And so, what do we do? We wait for our minds to catch up.

Annie And Tuface; A Shining Example

In recent times, the media spotlight has been shining brightly on the turbulent marriage of Nigerian celebrity couple Annie Idibia and Tuface Innocent Idibia. 

Some weeks back, Tuface openly admitted his belief that cheating was inherent in the DNA of men. This has placed Annie  in an uncomfortable position seeing as her marriage had already garnered bad reputation in previous years. 

While a lot of people have expressed their dissatisfaction with Tuface’s admission, a lot of critics have aimed their guns at Annie. People have cast their judgment towards her, questioning why she remains steadfast beside a partner who has repeatedly betrayed her trust.

The perpetual spotlight on Annie and Tuface's relationship has only further intensified the challenges Annie faces. Every indiscretion that comes to light amplifies the public embarrassment she endures. Tuface's public behavior, has further deepened her emotional wounds. His actions and the constant reminders of his infidelity only serve to intensify the public criticism of their relationship.

However, it's essential to delve deeper into Annie's emotional state and consider how exhausting and haunting being in a public relationship can be. Walking away from a relationship especially a marriage is never an easy choice. Their is a lot to put into consideration especially because we live in a society where women are still shamed for leaving their marriages. So, women endure.

But, what are the side effects of enduring constant embarrassment and pain?

Resentment. This resentment can build up gradually over the years and the more it blooms, the more the love fades. All the situations and experiences of Annie in the last couple of years are circumstances that often lead women to make the difficult decision to mentally and emotionally sign out of a relationship. 

It is possible that Annie has already reached a point where she has  emotionally detached herself from the marriage, much like the concept of "breaking up before a breakup."  The continuous heartache and betrayal may have compelled Annie to safeguard her emotions and distance herself from the pain. 

By mentally preparing for an eventual separation, Annie may have found solace in knowing that she is taking the necessary steps to protect her own happiness and well-being. With Tuface openly admitting his infidelity and attributing it to the DNA of men, the public embarrassment Annie has faced is on a high that it has never been at before. 

Is it wrong to explore the possibility that maybe Annie might just be gearing herself up mentally and emotionally to break free from the relationship?

She has likely experienced all the stages of grief privately, mourning the loss of their love, trust, and shared dreams while still in the marriage.

If Annie ever makes the decision to leave Tuface, it is likely that she will experience a sense of liberation rather than pain or heartbreak. By disconnecting emotionally from the relationship beforehand, Annie would have already traversed the emotional stages typically associated with a breakup. She may have mourned the loss of their love privately, making it easier for her to walk away with a newfound strength and clarity.

Behind Closed Doors - The Unconscious Act Of Breaking Up Before A Breakup

Breaking up before a breakup is a decision that often occurs unconsciously, without individuals fully realizing what is happening within themselves. It is a state where someone mentally and emotionally disconnects from a relationship, preparing themselves for the eventual end, often without conscious intention. This process can be particularly prevalent in relationships marred by trauma or deep emotional wounds.

When a person experiences significant trauma within a relationship, such as repeated betrayal, emotional abuse, or loss of trust, it can have a profound impact on their emotional well-being. The pain and distress caused by such events can gradually erode the love and connection they once felt towards their partner. 

As a defense mechanism, the individual may instinctively start to emotionally detach themselves from the relationship, creating a psychological distance to protect themselves from further harm.

This unconscious act of breaking up before a breakup is a way for individuals to shield themselves from ongoing pain and heartache. It is often a response to the unbearable weight of the emotional burden they carry, seeking a sense of self-preservation and relief from the turmoil within the relationship.

During this process, individuals may find themselves becoming less invested in the relationship. They may lose interest in their partner's emotions, withdraw from shared activities, or experience a decline in affection and intimacy. These signs of detachment can be subtle and may go unnoticed by the individual themselves, as they navigate the complexities of their emotions and attempt to cope with the trauma they have experienced.

It is important to understand that this unconscious act of breaking up before a breakup is not a deliberate choice. Instead, it is a survival mechanism that allows individuals to cope with the overwhelming emotional toll of a troubled relationship. The emotional disconnection acts as a form of self-preservation, creating a protective barrier that helps them navigate the challenges they face.

However, it is crucial to recognize that while breaking up before a breakup may provide temporary relief, it is not a long-term solution for healing and finding happiness. It is essential for individuals in these situations to seek support, whether through therapy, counseling, or trusted friends and family, to process their emotions and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling future. 

Remember, we are all capable of finding liberation and emotional freedom, even in the darkest of times. Whether it's through recognizing the signs of detachment, seeking support, or embarking on a personal healing journey, we can empower ourselves to break free from toxic relationships and embrace a brighter future.

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel emotionally checked out, its important to honor your feelings and prioritize your well-being. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and support. You are not alone in your journey, and there is always hope for a happier, healthier tomorrow.

Remember, you deserve a love that uplifts you, respects you, and nurtures your soul.