Being a plus size or, permit me to say, a fat babe in Lagos searching for love can be a rather formidable challenge. I have had wild experiences based on the everlasting cliche notions people think they have about fat women generally. The first time I ever knew there was such a thing as a fat babe stereotype was through a certain guy I met on Tinder called Andrew. Usually, I'm not a huge fan of meeting people via a dating app- but I remember I was lonely and a bit desperate to have someone refreshing to love. I needed to have butterfly feelings for someone new. My friend told me about how she had found her current boyfriend on Tinder and encouraged me to try out Tinder to see if I would find the love of my life. Without giving it so much thought, I decided to try it out.

I remember feeling so giddy setting up my Tinder profile. I wasn't sure whether to put up a display picture depicting my face or my whole body. Like most fat babes, I was entirely insecure about my body. I was fat- I had wide hips, a huge stomach, a big burst, and a fat ass. I once thought most guys would be interested in me because of these desirable qualities, but it wasn't easy. Don't get me wrong, most guys are interested in me for the pleasurable benefits- but they aren't interested in me for the long run. They want a slim, slender woman to take home to Mama, not a fat and plus-size babe.  

After setting up my profile on Tinder, I decided not to open Tinder for the next couple of days (My friend encouraged me to use a picture showing my entire body in a sexy manner). I also turned off the notifications for the dating application. I did this because I feared the outcome- "Would people click on my profile, or would they just swipe by?". I finally gained the courage to check the dating application, and I was surprised by the outcome because I saw a message from a particular guy called Andrew. He had sent me a message that same day I had created my Tinder profile. He had texted, "Hey, beautiful."

My heart skipped a beat, and I hurriedly texted back, hoping it was not too late as a couple of days had passed since he had sent the message. Andrew responded in less than an hour, and that was how we started talking. I checked out his profile, and he seemed like a handsome man with his life together. I became even more attracted. We talked consistently for about three days, and he finally said we should meet. As soon as he said that, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach again. The day eventually arrived, and I got ready. I settled on wearing an audaciously red dinner gown and went ahead to do a cool and calm makeup accentuating my well-defined face.

I was a bit shy and nervous, but my friend had given me a rather soothing pep talk that was encouraging. We had agreed to meet at a restaurant. I was the first person to arrive, and I waited a couple of minutes for him to arrive, which he eventually did. The first thing I noticed was that he was extremely short and skinny. His picture on Tinder was of his face. Hence, I wasn't able to see his body. By comparison, I was much bigger than him- and we were probably the same height. I was already slightly disappointed, but I decided not to let that deter me from finding love. We started talking, and everything was going so well. I liked his vibe, and our conversation was going so well. The night was getting younger minute by minute, so we decided to call it a night. He wanted to know where I lived and suggested he would follow me home. I agreed because I didn't mind him knowing where I lived. He, indeed, didn't seem like a kidnapper.

During the entirety of the car ride, Andrew randomly kept drifting the conversation back to plus-size babes. What do I mean? He was weirdly asking me how it felt to be a plus and fat babe. He had heard that we were the best to have intercourse with because we had very low self-esteem of ourselves- and it'd be easier to mess with us because we were already broken emotionally and in many other ways. He said, "We'd take any type of love we can receive, no matter how it was." 

I figured he was just misspeaking because we had a couple of drinks at the restaurant- and maybe he was just drunk, or perhaps he was just a narcissist? A part of me wanted to believe the former, so I silently waited for him to steer the conversation to another topic- but he never did. 

He further explained that since he was a very lanky guy, he figured his best bet would be to go for a plus-size babe that could handle him well. In my head, I was already asking myself what warped mindset this guy had- but I still didn't say one word. The straw that finally did break the camel's back was when he asked me if my thighs were thick enough to clap together to make a particular sexually satisfying sound that he loved hearing from thick babes. I stared at him in disbelief as I couldn't believe my ears. I didn't want to consider whether he texted me solely on Tinder because I was a plus-size babe or he was taking me home because he thought he would be receiving something desirable. 

Instantly, I respectfully told him to drop me off on the road as I didn't want to be near him anymore. He was taken aback, but he didn't ask any questions and just dropped me off. I didn't text him anymore, and I didn't hear back from him. Everything he said about the low self-esteem was a bit true- and I was glad I had the self-respect to end anything with him before it had even started. 

Anyway, that was the last time I tried using Tinder or any other dating application to find love. What do they say? I think it's like, "Once bitten, twice shy?" I'm bitten and will not return to Tinder anytime soon.

My experience on Tinder in Lagos opened my eyes to the challenges plus-size women face in dating.

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