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Gaya

My last real relationship was back in 2019, and since then, I haven’t found myself in an actual relationship. I find myself in situationships, friends-with-benefits relationships, friend zones, or talking stages I cannot seem to get past. Don’t get me wrong, some of the ladies I’ve come across are genuinely good ones – I had this Edo babe who would come over during the weekend, she would prep meals for me and by meals, I men bowls of soup and stew, she would clean up my apartment, make sure my clothes are sent to the dry cleaner or she would make use of the washing machine. At first, it was weird and uncomfortable because I wasn’t married to her. Hell, we weren’t even dating; we had just randomly found ourselves in a situation and had made it clear that this was it. I approached her with the discomfort, and she told me that this was something she was used to; it wasn’t a matter of wanting more. I just let her be and learned to assist her whenever she came around. However, that situationship ended in tears and mild curses because, apparently, she had fallen in love and ended things with her serious boyfriend just to be with me. It was one of the most awkward and painful situationship I’ve ever had to end because this woman was good and would make a good wife to one lucky man- but not me.

I’ve also found myself friend-zoning a lot of women, and for the better part, I’m happy with my decision because I’ve met a lot of amazing women and built solid friendships that wouldn’t have worked out if there had been sex involved. I sincerely want to blame my inability to commit, but the funniest and most unbelievable thing is that when I’m having a sexual relationship with one woman, I do not do anything with any other woman; even holding a flirtatious conversation seems like a problem – my friends have used this countless of times to make fun of me, but it just doesn’t feel right, I’d rather end things and move on. So, let’s just blame my lack of trust as the reason why being in a relationship doesn’t seem to be part of my agenda. I suffered my first major heartbreak in 2019; this wicked Igbo woman shattered my heart into pieces and didn’t bother looking back, and trust me if she did, I’d have taken her back in a heartbeat regardless of the heartbreak she had caused me.&nbsp;&nbsp;

Since then, I haven’t been able to date like I would have liked to. I subconsciously find myself placing these lovely women in everything other than an actual relationship. One of the women who rejected my friends-with-benefits offer accused me of being scared of relationships, and that’s impossible because I have never been scared of anything in my life, not even failure or death. She was one of the ladies I actually really liked, and she felt the same way, but I never found myself motivated to ask her out, and when she found the courage to, I turned her down. I have always believed that when I find someone I’m interested in dating, I would know almost immediately, but the truth is that the human mind learns how to adapt to every situation, and when you adapt to the no-dating lifestyle, it becomes difficult to move on from it. I didn’t know this until I decided to give dating a try, and it turned out to be the most difficult thing ever.

I had been in a talking/friends-with-benefit situation with this Calabar woman (before you judge, no, I do not go around looking for women of different tribes, although it might seem so). She was my spec in every way, including her looks, character, and intellect; she seemed perfect for me. But the issue here was that this lady treated me like an actual friend with benefits. She never slept over, she reached out to me only when she needed the dick, and she never asked me for anything. Apart from the fact that my friends were in serious relationships and one was already married, I was genuinely feeling this woman, but at that point, she was strictly interested in what I had to offer sexually, and the worst part in everything was that I didn’t know how to push or even ask for more. I felt used for the first time since 2019, but this was entirely my fault. I eventually had to let go of that woman and decided to meet someone on a clean slate, no sex involved, just an actual smooth, talking stage. Now, ladies and gentlemen, tell me why I’ve been in this talking stage for the past three months, and I don’t know the way forward. Prolong talking stage usually leads to situationships, and that wasn’t my intention. We’ve gone on dates and found ourselves wanting each other, but how do I let go of the tranquility surrounding being single? How do I trust anyone again?

A talking stage simply means the stage of getting to know someone who you’ve been recently introduced to in the hope of a romantic result. It is circled around knowing their likes and dislikes, their dos and don’ts, what brings a smile to their face, and their love language, and comparing it to yours. It is a stage where you learn more about someone in the hope that you are both compatible to be in a relationship. According to relationship experts, a talking stage should not last more than two months; if it does, you’re simply heading for what would most likely turn out to be a situationship.

Recently, talking stages have killed the idea of dating because, in most situations, one party might want something more serious than the other. Our generation has somewhat destroyed the fun of dating because most people are either too hurt to trust or too scared to be in a relationship, so they prolong their talking stage.

Now, if you’re hoping to move past a talking stage, the best and only thing you can do is communicate. Talk about your feelings and your desire to your intending partner, and you might find out they also have the same vision but never had the courage to let it known, or you might just be rejected, but you would definitely move on. Don’t get stuck in a talking stage that isn’t leading anywhere because, slowly, you might get sucked into a situationship you did not plan for – unless you did.

The idea behind a talking stage is to get to know each other on a surface level. Every other thing should come while in the relationship.

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