Life & Love
One night, everything broke. While we were making love, he held my hips and said to me “you would have been hotter if you had wider hips”.
By Damilola Dabiru
PUBLISHED: September 10, 2023
It all began in 2019 when I made a life-altering decision, all in a bid to please my husband.
I met my husband, Mark, when we were both in our early twenties. Our love was a slow paced one but when I finally fell in love with him, I fell in really deep. We got married a year after we met, and for the first year of our marriage we were really happy. Or at least that was what I thought.
But then, Mark suddenly started to make remarks about his love for curvy women. You see, I have always been an “Agbani”, very portable and slim-fitted. I’ve also always loved my frame. When I met Mark, he told me I wasn't normally his type but there was something about me that attracted him anyway. At the time, I didn’t think he had a problem with my small frame but then after a year, things changed.
We would be casually watching a movie featuring a woman with big curves and he would blurt out out
“what man would cheat on this kind of woman?”.
He started appreciating women I looked nothing like more and more. From making remarks about them, to making remarks about my body. He started dropping hints about how he wished I had a more shapely figure. His comments soon began to chip away at my self-esteem.
One nigh, everything broke.
While we were making love, he held my hips and said to me “you would have been hotter if you had wider hips”. Right there and then, I decided I was going to get a BBL. Don’t judge me. I was a woman in love who wanted to do anything to make her man happy. I met with a doctor in Turkey and after long conversations of what I wanted, a surgical date was fixed.
The day of the surgery arrived, and I was filled with both excitement and anxiety. I had researched the procedure extensively and the surgeon had assured me of a safe and successful operation. The surgeon explained the process, which involved liposuction to remove excess fat from my abdomen and thighs, followed by injecting that fat into my buttocks.
The surgery went as planned, but I woke up with an excruciatingly painful body sore. I couldn’t move my body properly for 3 weeks and at some point I questioned if it was all worth it. But, after I came back from Turkey and my husband had seen my body, his happy and excited face reassured me that I had made the right choice.
Barely a year later, the complications began to emerge. At first, it was minor issues which were just swelling and discomfort. I believed it was a little issue that would go away soon. But soon, I realized that something was terribly wrong. I started experiencing severe pain in my buttocks, and the skin became discolored. I couldn't sit or lie down comfortably, and it was affecting my daily life.
I went back to my surgeon, who told me that I had developed serious complications. The fat injected into my buttocks had caused an infection, leading to necrosis, a condition where the tissue dies. It was a nightmare. I underwent multiple surgeries to remove the infected tissue, leaving me with scars both physical and emotional.
The pain was excruciating, but the emotional pain was even worse. I couldn't help but wonder if my decision to undergo the BBL had been worth it. Mark was supportive throughout the ordeal, but I could see the guilt in his eyes. He blamed himself for pressuring me into the surgery.
As I lay in bed, recovering from another surgery, I thought about how my desire to please my husband had led me down this painful path. I realized that my self-esteem should not have been tied to my appearance. I should have valued myself for who I was, not for the body I thought I needed to have.
Today, I am still dealing with the physical and emotional scars of my ill-fated decision. I've learned the hard way that love should never be conditional upon changing your body to fit someone else's ideals. It's a lesson I hope others can learn from my story.
I want to share my journey of regret so that others may think twice before making drastic decisions to please someone else. My body may never be the same, but I hope that my story can serve as a cautionary tale about the importance of self-acceptance and self-worth.
I've learned that true love should accept us as we are, flaws and all, and that the desire to change should come from within, not from external pressures. I hope that by sharing my story, I can help others avoid the painful journey I've been on and find happiness in being themselves.