Life & Love
It got to a point where I would be sitting across from my wife and all i can think is, "I'd rather be anywhere else."
By Damilola Dabiru
PUBLISHED: October 08, 2023
I wish every single person that is about to get married could get a preview of what their married life would look years down the line.
I, for sure would have backed out if I had gotten one.
When I met my wife, I had been instantly attracted to her. It was almost like a Nicholas sparks movie. She was all I could think about through the day and I wanted to get married to her more than anything in the world. I mean, she was stunning, my dream girl in every possible way - tall, slender, dark skinned and absolutely beautiful. We had electric sparks flying everywhere; yes and even some butterflies in the mix.
Our chemistry was off the charts, so great that our friend and family even pointed out all the time. Our sex life was also pretty great, almost fire. I was so certain that their was no one better suited for me than her.
However, 8 months into my marriage, something changed, or maybe I just started seeing things differently.
Those little quirks that she had that I used to absolutely adore started to grate on my nerves. All the things I found cute about her suddenly became annoying. Worse, I realized that she wasn’t compatible with me mentally. I would have conversations with her and she could only meet up with me through funny banters. Turns out, she wasn't quite as smart as I thought she was. Or maybe I just hadn’t been paying attention.
Our conversations got boring, shallow, and frankly, I just couldn't connect with her on an intellectual level.
It was almost as if we were speaking different languages, and I was stuck in a room where everyone else was having a blast while I was just nodding and pretending to be part of the fun. I felt like I was growing apart from her with every passing day, and even worse. I just missed the excitement I used to feel before with her. I missed the feeling; not the person.
3 years into our marriage, and I found myself getting even more bored and exhausted. I started resenting our conversations and even her mere presence.
Any moment I spend together with her now feels like a never-ending chore.
I mean, it got to a point where I would be sitting across from her and all i can think is, "I'd rather be anywhere else."
My love for her had faded into a mundane routine, and I didn't know how to fix it. I didn’t even know if I wanted to fix it. My marriage was beginning to feel like a silent, lonely battleground.
And then came the kicker - she got pregnant.
For a while I thought that would fix my love for her and make me feel differently towards her, but how wrong I was.
Don't get me wrong; I was excited about becoming a dad, but i noticed that body started to change, and not in a way that I found attractive anymore.
She gave birth 6 months ago and her once-perky boobs are, well, no longer perky. Also her belly now features an extra pouch just below her belly button and it hangs out in any dress she wears.
I hate to admit it, but her body just didn't do it for me anymore. I feel almost repulsed by it and doubt I would ever want to have sex with her again.
My resentment for her had grown even stronger. It makes me feel bad because she hasn’t done anything to deserve it.
Then came that viral Twitter thread just some weeks ago and Man! it feels like someone had cracked open my mind and put my thoughts on display for the world to see.
All these guys were pouring out their hearts about when they realized they no longer loved their partners, and it mirrored exactly what I’m feeling on the inside.
They talked about feeling trapped, disconnected, and resentful, and I thought, "That's me, right there." It was as if they were reading my mind, and it was both comforting and terrifying to know I wasn't alone in this mess.
I feel like I am trapped in a loop of unhappiness, with no way out. I can’t just leave; it would break her heart, and I didn't want our child to go through what I did growing up without a dad. She also doesn’t deserve this and it hurts me more because I know she really loves me. I guess it would have better if she deserved it or had it coming.
I feel like I can’t breathe and it sucks so bad. My mind is driving me crazy.
Whatever it is I used to feel for my wife has faded completely and I’m so unhappy while still t rying to make sense of it all. It's like I'm on a rollercoaster with no end in sight, and all I can do is hold on and hope I find a way out of this mess.