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Gaya

Shola never believed that lack of sex could make her feel as frustrated as she felt; if someone had told her years back that her man would not be able to satisfy her as much as she would like, she might have laughed at that person’s ignorance. As someone who explored her youthfulness to its fullest, sex had been something she never lacked, but a recent turn of events made her wonder how she got here and if this relationship was even worth what she was going through. She was almost always angry, sad, confused, and mad. Her sleep routine was in shambles, and her vibrator was no longer giving her the satisfaction she craved; she needed dick, she needed good sex, and warm cuddles, but not only was her toy not delivering, but her man also wasn’t.

Hearing her story, people would assume that her days of youthful exuberance were to blame, but she knew how high her libido had been since day one, and it was quite surprising that she ended up with someone who couldn’t match up to her energy. She truly loved her man, but the sexual frustration she felt made her question the love she had for him. He took extreme care of her, but the sex wasn’t at all up to her standard; for someone so fun, he made sex an extreme bore, and she was tired of constantly making use of her vibrator, forcing herself to sleep and control her raging hormones and emotions. How could she make him understand how she felt without destroying their relationship?

To be clear, Sexual frustration, according to <a href="https://www.choosingtherapy.com/sexual-frustration/">choosing therapy</a>, involves a psychological and/or biological response to having an unsatisfied sexual desire. This often happens with people who decide to either practice celibacy or sexual fasting. There are also people whose sexual frustration stems from their inability to enjoy sex based on past trauma, stress, mindset and many more reasons. Furthermore, do not assume that sexual frustration doesn’t affect those in relationships because it does, particularly when one person has a higher or lower libido compared to their partner or, when the sexual incompatibility is undeniable or when they decide to pursue a sexless relationship. We have an article here on aura where couples discussed the issue of <a href="https://aura.ng/life-and-love/desire-discrepancy-should-not-be-a-deal-breaker-in-your-relationship">desire discrepancy</a> (high difference in libido and sexual incompatibility) in their relationship.

After understanding the meaning of sexual frustration and believing that it is indeed a thing that truly exists, it should be understood that it holds a high level of importance, especially in relationships, and there are signs to look out for in case you find yourself in a sexually frustrated situation. Some of these signs include;

· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Inability to sleep

· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Hypertension

· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Depression or anxiety

· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Mood swings

· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Often fantasising about sex

· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Unhealthy coping habits

Bear in mind that these signs differ from person to person and from situation to situation. There could be more signs, but these are the most common ones that should be noted.

Although sexual frustration can happen to even the most single person out there but, our topic today is centred on how to tell your partner that you’re sexually frustrated; this sort of topic can be a bit intimidating because how do you tell someone you love that they aren’t satisfying you in bed? How do you express yourself without coming across as mean or rude? How do you send your message without being hurtful or wavering your partner’s self-confidence? Let’s continue Shola’s story!

Shola was so close to sending a dm to her ex; the frustration was biting her deeply that she couldn’t fully concentrate on a particular thing without her mind wandering towards sex, she fought with everything in her not to lash out at the people around when they make the slightest mistake. Her self-control and love for this man were the only two things that held her back from texting her ex, but she knew it was time to have the conversation. In situations like this, people usually advise communication, and she was willing to communicate, but this conversation was a sore topic, a delicate conversation that could either make or break her relationship depending on how she passed her message across and how he might receive it.

The first thing Shola decided to do was set the mood; the idea was to make him feel comfortable and to make him understand that this conversation was also difficult for her. So she invited him over for dinner at her place, but the idea of this dinner was to cook together – perform an activity together. Her man loved to cook; he made her home-cooked meals whenever she visited, but she was the total opposite. The kitchen was a war zone to her, but today, she decided to perform one of his favourite activities with him and man, was he excited. They cooked dinner together, talking and laughing, planning their unforeseen future and possible babies – she knew how much she loved this man, and she silently hoped that he loved her enough to understand her predicament.

After the fun activity, they ate dinner, and he would randomly yet softly hold her hand, smiling at her at intervals and bringing up warm conversations. She had ensured there was no alcohol of any sort because she wanted the conversation to be had in a good headspace. She took her time while monitoring his mood, and she waited until they were done with dinner, but she didn’t bluntly say something like “Babe, I’m sexually frustrated” or “Honey, you don’t satisfy me in bed” No, she had to go about it subtly and sensitively, and so she started by asking him what he loved the most about their relationship, slowly gearing towards their best sexual experience together. Just like most conversations, he expected her to give her answers to the same questions she asked. She soon found herself explaining what and what she liked during sex.

He listened to her with full attention, nodding and asking further questions. It was clear that he was really interested in pleasuring her. Soon after their conversation, he expressed willingness to try harder for her. He explained that he had never been with someone with high libido, but he was willing to learn more and work on their sex life.

From Shola’s story, one of the major things you should consider is understanding your partner, as well as their moods and emotions. Know what puts them in a good mood, and know the best way and time to bring up certain conversations, especially sensitive ones like this one. Be clear and elaborate when expressing yourself, but remember to be emotionally mature with your words. Be kind in passing across your message; if needed, you can consider both couple or sex therapy.&nbsp;

She was willing to communicate, but this conversation was a delicate one, that could either make or break her relationship depending on how she passed her message across and how he might receive it.

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